Ok, good and bad. Sounds about right. Congratulations on the grad!
Sounds like the wedding turned out to be another learning exp. The hiding the drinking thing was very hard for me when it was going on - he would claim he wasn't and I knew better. Since being sober, he had admitted what he did during our R that I didn't know about. He started to tell me everything, but I thought it was best to start being honest about us.
Sorry about the reminder of past days. I posted on my thread concerns I have about remembering the past during the grad. It happened at son's grad. I also get these "attacks" when around SIL and DIL who don't know the whole truth but know enough. I have spared SIL a lot of the truth so he could have whatever R he wants with his father.
How are you today - the day after? You did well. I think you are growing strong.
It was nice to see his family seeing what he does although they know what he does but still after some time will make an excuse for him. One SIL who I get along with well told me that they knew I turned him in for his DUI...some family members say I did the right thing some say it was a betrayl. He gravitates towards those who think I betrayed him. She said she told the family I was the only one with guts enough to try and stop him. Everyone else complained about his drinking and driving but did nothing.
So he was texting early evening asking if I was ok and why I was upset. I said I was fine. Then he went into do I love him? I know better than to argue with a drunk but did anyway. I said I did, but I wanted a man who can live by his vows. He said I needed to live by them too and did I love him? I was putting baby to bed after that and I must not have responded quickly enough. He sent "You don't love me. I am not your caliber of a man. Take care of our girl." I just left it at that and never heard from him again.
Thinking about yesterday...watching at the church I do love that man. He was sober and I could tell he was touched. Later at the reception...no. That made my stomach turn again seeing him that way. I haven't really seen exh that way in almost a year! Obviously he doesn't come around that way to see baby. I felt pity and sadness for him. He is on such a sucky road that is going straight to hell.
I will do whatever I have to do to protect baby.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I'm so glad you were able to go and mostly have a good time. Obviously his family is FINALLY starting to see him for who he is, maybe he is close to a bottom. I'm guessing you should all of his family who the stronger, better person is.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I am glad I went. I know there are the exh supporters no matter what he does. I am the villan. Whatever.
Exh should have truly kept up with the community service on the weekends. He is back to his binge drinking. I believe he let loose at the local bar last night as well.
Today he was texting me and was annoyed as i didn't get back to him right away. Baby and I were at church. He got angry as it wasn't the Catholic church where he (and I) both grew up. I said if he wanted to be actively involved in her spiritual life then he can have part of a decision. He backed out of that one.
Then he sent this: "I know you don't think much of me as a person, but I am really not that bad. I am not perfect but I do love you and I love our little girl."
I came back with a smart a** answer and then shut it down. You don't love someone and do the things he has done and continues to do.
This afternoon his texts got all messed up...a sure sign of drinking. Its all downhill now.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Reading your last post reminds me of what my H used to say to me all the time. I mention this because he tells me how hard it was to stop drinking - that he really wanted to clean up his life but that the A was overwhelming. Hearing those words,I used to bite my tongue a lot and avoid responding because as you already know - you can't talk to someone under the influence.
I got where I am today by allowing him to suffer consequences all the way around and planned to move forward without him. When I stepped out of the way - he began to see his own problem which was the beginning for where he is now.
In one of the daily reading for alanon I had this one readingthat bothered me the most - it said that loving and living with and A means you love and live with someone who you can't lean on. I thought it meant forever, even when sober, but sober, my H is learning to be there for me.
Well, off to a busy day.! Hope your day goes better.
Wow, you had a busy weekend. I know it's hard to resist the "pull" when he starts talking about how he loves you...even if he is drunk...we still want to believe everything that is coming out of their mouths. Just stay strong. You know better. Take it all with a grain of salt and keep moving forward. Don't let it get you down. After H told me he was marrying OW...I was a mess...all day yesterday. Today, I feel okay, I feel stable, for now. And, if "for now" doesn't last long, at least I have these moments.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
MIL just called to say goodbye before they headed back home.
We made small talk but I could tell she was trying to feel me out for my reaction to Saturday's episode. I told her I thought it was sad, but I won't say anything to him as I am no longer his wife. I did say I will not have baby around him like that again though and that I should have left the second I knew he was drinking.
She said nobody is going to say anything to him as he knows what he did wrong and probably feels bad after making promises he didn't keep. She also said that he was doing better but maybe had a little slip! Is she kidding? She said he is going to his AA meetings once a week but I said they were court mandated and once he didn't have to go he won't.
They are so fricking in denial. I swear I think I am the only one in his life that has any boundaries! No wonder he hates me so much.
Oh, she said when he was crying on his grandfather at the wedding he was saying he didn't understand why he couldn't stay married and committed. That he has children, but yet doesn't know why he can't be a family man.
I don't even know how to begin analyzing that.
Today is a visit day. Wonder if he will show?
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I haven't peeked in a few weeks at exh's email. Tried hard not to, but last night I broke down. The sister of SIL that exh was talking to at the reception right in front of me wrote him this email asking him if he meant what he said to her or if it was all because he was drunk. I forgot that a few years back she was suicidal and just released from a facility. She just got divorced from a one year marriage. She is also maybe 21 or 22 years old! He also had 2 emails from the married woman who was sending him lyrics to love songs!
Exh didn't go to work yesterday. Pretty typical for him after a weekend binger. He feels like crap physically and emotionally. He is most likely putting pieces of the weekend together and he is disgusted with himself so he becomes a recluse. He missed his visit with baby yesterday as well. Not a shocker.
Thanks Blindsided for your texts last night...you are right it was retarded and laughable.
Taking baby to the zoo today. Should be fun.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Have fun at the zoo. And, remember what I said.....it is HIM that is not good enough. And, don't you think he knows that? This is most likely why he gets his ego all puffed up by these loser women. Because he isn't a "loser" to them.....yet. I think he knows that you deserve better. I do believe that he seeks women who he feels are beneath him, right now. It makes him feel better about himself.
Last edited by blindsided1; 06/16/0903:23 PM.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Just posted details. Everything went well. How was the zoo?
A comment about the experience at the wedding and your own wonderings... when I recall these exp with him, he reminds me that all his choices were about which beer to drink - when it came to making any decisions the answer would be whatever got him there first or faster. No other thinking entered the picture.
Point is... none of his behavior makes sense in our terms. Trying to sort it out isn't worth any effort beyond - he has a problem. The problem he has with you is that you get in the way of his drinking. Make sense?
