Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

Thanks for the encouragement Mnt, that was helpful. I love the 'pretend he's a homeless guy you're listening to on the street corner' tip, not only did it crack me up but it makes sense!

Well the whole meeting thing is done with now. I don't feel too bad about it. I felt a bit sad after he went but thinking back, overall nothing terrible happened. He didn't actually have anything serious to tell me or drop on me. I held back any mean/sarcastic comments that were trying to get out of my mouth.

I was dying to ask whats up with OW, last he mentioned he was 'just friends' but 'confused' about her. But I didn't ask, or mention it at all. That was hard.

There was no R talk really. No arguing, no pressure. Stayed pretty confident, calm and upbeat, didnt over do it maybe could have been a bit more upbeat tho. I tried to look good too, but was pushed for time after work so did the best I could.

H commented that I have lost a lot of weight, and that he liked my shirt and asked where did I get it. He also hugged me a lot more than his normal. So those were all different things.

We talked money stuff some and then general light conversation and that.

H suggested that we meet up next week and go over all the bills so I know what there is for when they are handed over and said he will go thru them with me so I know what will be coming in.

I asked if he had anything planned for his bday, 1st either of us had mentioned it, he said about night out w people from work n that he'd taken his bday off work, he never works on his bday. I asked if he wanted to do anything for his bday since he asked me on mine not long ago and he said maybe we could do something at the beginning of next week eventho its after his bday. He said, but can we do that separate than the bills. So suggested meeting up twice next week. I just said ok maybe, but didnt agree or commit to anything bc wasnt sure how I'd feel later on and didn't want to seem too keen.

He also told me a bit about his problems, with house and money etc. I just listened and validated that it must be stressful, etc. He said he just found out he has to move again bc the landlord he rents from wants to move back into his own property.

At one point when at the house he stopped and looked me right in the face and asked me if I was ok, I was like 'yeh' and he said are you sure? I was said Yes, and he said really? I asked why not? He said Im just checking that you are doing ok? I just said Yeh Im ok and left it at that.

I gave him the card in the end, it was just a plain happy bday one, no mushy stuff or anything, just like i'd give a friend. he seemed surprised and said thank you.

H text me after he left saying 'tonight was good' and thank you for the card he will open it friday(bday) and that he didnt mention it(bday) bc he didnt know if I had remembered. and he commented on something that has happened for me recently and then said have a good night.

I just responded of course I remembered, it was good to see him and I'm glad he is doing good. Hope that wasnt too much.

As he walked out the door, he also stopped and said you know even after july(when it was agreed to move the house stuff over to me), we can still see each other and do stuff, it just wont be as serious, not all about bills and things, and can just be normal. I don't want you to think that's we can't do that(or something like that, cant remember exactly)

so anyway still processing it all. But as far as the goals I had set for myself I did pretty ok. Nothing bad came out of it, I hope I did ok, but still want to improve communication and see how I could be doing better with the sitch.