]I guess my initial fear was what real world experience does this guy have that he could help me? I guess I didn't think about fresh new ideas.
See, you went right to the negative before you even explored or got to know the C. My psych is Indian and *very* hard to understand and about 60 years old. So I could have said "geez, this old geezer who I can hardly understand that is making me follow this hard ass plan of his really sucks" or I can say what I said "thank GOD this expert got me in, is making me follow a plan that is healthy and he and I can have some laughs during stressful sessions about me trying to understand him".
What exactly do you think C learn in school? Sure, we all draw on real world experience but the human mind has been studied up and down and no matter how times change, the mechanics of the mind remain pretty much the same. Maybe you can relate better to a younger person. Dont just jump to the negative all the time. Its really starting to get on my nerves.
I do need to learn how to be happy without my W. That is a must.
Well, we keep telling you that and you keep saying you must but so far you arent doing much. Time will tell.
I don't know if she will return to me or not if I am happy without her.
Right now she will not return to you. Its the reality of it all. Dont expect it, dont dream about it and dont plan on it.
I think I was just a little skeptical is all.
I will give it an honest try with the C.
Well, you have to give *something* an honest try so why not this? You get so angry when your W judges you but you did the same thing with the C. You judged him before you knew a darn thing about it.
I did read that being a psychiatrist you can make I think between 167k to 247k a year. I thought that sounded pretty decent.
Again, money, the outside factor and should have no bearing on your happiness. Dont know if this is the normal but at the major med school in my area (one of the best in the country) they dont accept anybody over the age of 28. You alarm me that you are so focused on money.
I was not griping about my kids. I am concerned about them. Especially D7 seems to be having a lot of emotional outbursts lately. I'm quite sure it has to do with the separation and knowing about the D. Their world has been turned upside down. The rug has been pulled out from beneath them and they had no say in the matter. They probably don't know what to expect next.
I'm just concerned.
Just like you, your kids need counseling. You can say you are concerned but what are you going to do about it? As a co-parent you need to talk to your W about getting your kids some help.
if the main concern were money, ((which goes hand in hand in your mind, with getting wife back)) and you were smart enough and disciplined enough to qualify, you'd be crazy to go through all that schooling and training while making NOTHING or next to nothing for so long. Yeah sure you can make good money after the 12+ years of post high school training, AND after years of living below the poverty level (as we did our first 7 years of marriage) but that still means you are behind b/c of all the years you were not earning big bucks. We paid off our $225k in school loans after 16 years of M. About 5 years ago s23 began his college so we began paying for his schooling...and now d20's...
We know many many doctors. I don't know a single one who became a doctor for the money... Doesn't make sense. There are tons of easier and shorter ways to do that if that is your focus. I thought at least that part of my post was clear....
and the site you suggested...(sighs...lots of them)
Never mind Kev, you won't get it...you just refuse and resist and I cannot understand you anymore.
CG, thank you for your patience. I...think I'm running too low on my reserves now...understand?
J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You're getting counseling for free: - Good find. I pay $150/hr for a Phd Psych and $200/hr for a P-doc, ($100 for a half hr med check).
He's a young guy: - Maybe you'll strike up a good rapport; one of most important things in a counseling relationship.
P-docs make $167K to $247 a year: - Doesn't mean a damn thing what people make. There's struggling youth counselors out there making next to nothing doing the same good work for humanity.
First Divorce Case - Gotta' start somewhere. Counselors don't have all the answers and they won't give them to you. They simply clear the window so you can see them yourself.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I read everything. Ok. No med school. I am sticking with the C.
I am also thinking about asking W to go to a M seminar with me. The Joe Beam seminar. They save 3 out of 4 M's. If nothing else I could say its worth going for everyones concious and if she still wants the D after, fine. It could be worth a shot. I would just ask her to go, listen and participate. She doesn't have to promise anything after.
Any thoughts?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Yeah, my thought is that if you bring this up to your W, you're just driving another nail into the coffin.
She doesn't want to be even in your presence much less go to a M seminar with you.
If you say you've read everything people have posted to you why do you keep asking about stuff like this?
You're still looking for the fast way out. You didn't finish HS, you didn't work on your M when your W was begging you to, you don't even listen to anyone on here.
Irregardless of what we post here, I'm 100% sure you're going to ask her any way, so I'm going to make this prediction: After you ask your W, you're going to come here and post this.. "well I asked my W and she told me flat out 'no' that she had moved on and that I should too. Dang, well I knew that'd be her answer but I figured I'd give it a shot. It shows how far she's gone over the deep end..."
And that's the 'nice' version of it. I'm willing to take bets with anyone now on this.
Truthfully I think your W is going to go ballistic on you and then you're going to subject your kids to another day of watching the two of you fight. I think I still post here because I worry about them more than the two of you. How about concentrating on them for a change. Not just playing with them, but really being there and supporting them.
I leave it up to the others to give more 2x4s.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
i have never posted to u, i dont think, but i have followed along as best as i could.
i feel so bad, because i know how much u are hurting, i know how much u want your wife back.
i know.
i know how hard it is to listen to the advice u receive, because it is against everything u are feeling.
i think the marriage seminar sounds great and i think its great u are trying to do everything u can.
but if u ask her right now, she will say no, u will feel worse, and everyone will tell u "i told u so"...
the best thing u can do is pull back for now. i know its hard, believe me. but try. really try.
and maybe one day u can suggest the seminar.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I would also add this: "Dang, I knew that would be her answer, but I just had to HEAR IT FROM HER OWN LIPS...yada, yada, yada."
Kevin, I find it laughable for you to talk about Medical School, when you didn't even have the discipline to get through HIGH SCHOOL. Also, do you realize that med school is very competetive, and you have to be an excellent student in high school to get into an excellent college; and then get excellent grades in college to get into med school? I agree w/25 also -- your delusions are frightening.
I also have many friends who are doctors, and NONE are in it for the money. It's far too stressful a career to go into just for that.
Everyone here tell you to just leave your wife alone, and you just won't do it.
I had hoped you'd made some progress in the last 10 days, I don't know why, but I'd hoped.
You want to ask your W to go to a seminar with you to save marriages when she doesnt even want to include you in her b-day happy hour and made it clear for her b-day she planned on having sex with somebody or at least hoped to?
Am I understanding this correctly?
And now you want to know if we have any thoughts?
Do you ask this stuff just to screw with us? Because I kind of think you do.
Now I have a question for you and I would love to hear your thoughts. My 10 yr. wedding anniversary is next week and our court date is a few days after that. I think I will wear my wedding dress to court and beg my H to take me back in front of the court. I will even wear the veil and garter. Better yet, I will do a table dance on the judges desk. And if my H says no I will throw a bag of dog poo at him. Its worth a shot, right? Any thoughts?
You dont have to answer right away.... in case you are busy with your med school applications you might not have time to post but just let me know what you think.
KEVIN - I AM SERIOUS, THINK DIFFERENT.
You glossed over all kinds of things... what about the counseling for your kids? What about you? Why do you act like this with us? I think you are just messing with us and now I am mad.
Now I have a question for you and I would love to hear your thoughts. My 10 yr. wedding anniversary is next week and our court date is a few days after that. I think I will wear my wedding dress to court and beg my H to take me back in front of the court. I will even wear the veil and garter. Better yet, I will do a table dance on the judges desk. And if my H says no I will throw a bag of dog poo at him. Its worth a shot, right? Any thoughts?
