Well, I've been spending some time on this and I feel really good about getting more of a schedule ironed out. So, I know I am on the right track with that.
H would have them much more but work and such make it so that he can only firmly commit to these two days. I am still wrestling with how to handle the other open days.
I am clear that my tentativeness is an effort on my part to be mindful of what my children need. Our lifestyle is a bit unusual and I want to be damn sure that my own resentments or sadness don't temper my choices regarding the kids.
I think a segue into a routine will be a good start.
As for H coming by sometimes, I think that will have to be phased out...tough stuff.
I do feel ambivalent about forgoing family time. That is when I feel like I'm losing more here. I had my kids so much of the time, rarely missed anything. H will get more than he had before in some ways. I am being honest with you here. I will not act from this place. I just do feel that I am losing a lot. I will make up for it in my personal growth and GAL but it is a loss nonetheless. Always tears associated with this for me.
I like the idea of designating a day for family time. That would mean three committed days for him and we'll see if he can do that.
This weekend there is a party...friends that are more his than mine...friends that really "like" me but are on his side. H said they invited me too and I should come. Part of me would like to stop by, be social...His wanting me to go (forgive mindreading here) is related either to a) him wanting them to see I'm ok so he doesn't feel like an a**hole b) him testing to see if that bridge could ever be repaired (me with his friends) or of course c) whatever he is actually thinking. Last 2 times I didn't go when it was involving these friends I sort of regretted (in our R there was always tension between me and H when it came to them because I just wasn't that interested). I would like to go if only for a little bit (maybe just drop off older son who will be with me).
Also on my mind regarding the schedule, it is very helpful to me if we can back each other up sometimes and I would like to have that kind of R, especially when kids have overlapping plans and parties and such sometimes falling on either of our days. Just curious how others work this.
