Divorce looming #14

[25yearsmlc]

I guess my initial fear was what real world experience does this guy have that he could help me? I guess I didn't think about fresh new ideas.

Well not many of us have had your experience either. Or maybe we had a week or two of it before we stopped it from continuing on. That's where the self respect part comes in.

I do need to learn how to be happy without my W. That is a must.

I don't know if she will return to me or not if I am happy without her.

Are you saying that if you become happy, then b/c of that, she might not return to you? IF anything is going to get your w back, it surely would include you becoming happy without her and not needing her the way you think you do. Of that, I'm positive.


I think I was just a little skeptical is all.

I will give it an honest try with the C.

I did read that being a psychiatrist you can make I think between 167k to 247k a year. I thought that sounded pretty decent.

Did you actually read what I wrote to you about becoming a medical doctor, with the college, medical school, internship and residency training (which ALL specialists must have) and factor in the hours they work, and the years they work with little or NO pay, to come up with that "pretty decent" salary? Are you actually just blurting that out b/c you think making more money is the "Secret" to getting your wife back? Well I'm married to a physician and got to witness the entire process, start to finish. I am not bitter about his work b/c I have always believed in what he does, he's very good at it, he relieves people's suffering, and has saved lives in and out of the military. etc. But you are living in another world to have skipped over what I posted to you about the field of medicine. MD's finish their training and finally start to earn the "big bucks" when they turn about -- your age now. And they endure high pressure in some specialties that can be quite stressful and unrelenting, and as humans, they will make mistakes that can hurt their patients. God knows when that happens, it hurts them too. Not just professionally, though that too. And it hurts the doctor's families. As a L, I had a close friend/client doctor who made a 90 second mistake which may have contributed to a patient's death. I was the counsel for the hospital and paid the case. The doctor was raked over the coals professionally with the lawsuit. He and his w were in such grief about the loss of life, let alone the rest, they went to MC and the Dr continued on in private ind c for years, b/c of his wrenching sense of guilt and responsibility. He was just never ever the same. He lost a fortune too. I think they divorced a few years later. I wrote an article about it, and if you knew how "small" the mistake was, with such HUGE damage resulting from it, you'd understand more about how demanding the field is. It's a big responsibility. It's also very tough on marriages. God Kevin, you just throw things out there with no concept of what you are discussing...think more before you make those statements okay? BUT Let me sum up with something that might help you with your own sitch. Whether you want to become a professional anything, doctor, lawyer, accountant, Olympic athlete, etc they all have ONE thing in common to reach their goal. That's the ability to delay gratification. Meaning they are are able to work hard on something without an immediate pay off. Have you ever done that? Can you start with something like "delaying gratification" here? It's a key life skill you need.


I was not griping about my kids. I am concerned about them. Especially D7 seems to be having a lot of emotional outbursts lately. I'm quite sure it has to do with the separation and knowing about the D. Their world has been turned upside down. The rug has been pulled out from beneath them and they had no say in the matter. They probably don't know what to expect next.

I'm just concerned.
Makes sense. Good. But oh btw, you left the state and your d's for awhile. Before that, you had the other "stuff" while living in the home with the booze and zoning out... all parents should be concerned and especially about this type of event in their children's lives. But somehow I had the feeling this was more about blaming your w...

And the whole self delusion thing I found interestimg because of the A process. I no longer delude myself about the drinking. I have cleaned that up.

Yes. We know you exclusively focused on the A issue b/c the rest of the site deals with problems you have. You only focused on your w's. That's our point.

And As for "cleaning that up" you mean, you have no problems now b/c you stopped drinking? Ever wonder why you drank, especially since you drank before and during the m? Could that have been self medicating for your depression?


Kevin

Kev, Don't wait for happiness to work it's way to you let alone resist it along the way. We create our own happiness. Do you believe that? I hope you do b/c if you don't, you're doomed. We do create our own happiness. Not saying bad things don't happen along the way; they do. Remember Carol, that woman I told you about who was so centered spiritually and content within? She had lost her older brother, who died on her 16th b-day trying to drive to get home for her "sweet 16" party. Her 5 y/o son has bad juveniile diabetes that's tough to manage, and she lost her CHILD, her only daughter, to a sudden and rare lung infection. Go read that post again sometime Kevin. Carol is still among the kindest most inwardly content people I have ever known. Thanks to her, I attended that workshop and changed MY life and got some tools I badly needed.

We are not all born with the tools we need. And we all know people who've had some lucky breaks. And we all know that life throws some people more curve balls, not of their own making, Like my friend Carol. But Carol is happy Kevin. She really is. How can that be? B/C it is not the external world or events that decides whether she'll be happy or not, in the long run. It's our internal world and heart and soul. I hope some of this reaches you.
j-

PS

As far as the c, You may not have that guy as your c anyhow. If he was only doing your intake. They'll all meet later to assess their patient loads and see who seems best qualified to handle your type of sitch. He may be your c, or someone else could be. Either way, please give it a chance. Same goes for all the advice you get here Kev.

j-