No 2x4's please...this was not my doing.....even as I type this Gabe is outside helping Marc mow and edge the lawn. He had called Marc to find out what he was doing after school and Marc told him he had mowed the lawn. It finally came out that Marc spent 10 minutes running back and forth with the lawn mower and then quit because it was too hot. Gabe decided to come over and check on him (I was out picking up my mom from dialysis and getting prescriptions filled) so when I got home he was there 'helping'. Short of running him off with something sharp, what could I do? How to handle that? Suggestions for the inevitable next time?
Still having an anxiety attack over the bills I can't pay. No clue what to do. All I know is that the car payment has to be made but the utilities aren't going to get any payment and there is no money for food. Thankfully I have my pantry pretty well stocked right now. I can probably stretch it for about 2-3 weeks. Fingers crossed!
Mike, it's too bad that Kim is throwing all of this crap up at you suddenly. So, what is the problem with the August schedule? Are you needed more time during that month or is it just that you need her more days in a row for vacation time and then she will have her just as many days in a row? If so, couldn't the same be said, that she would have anxiety from not seeing you for 6+ days in a row? Interesting....
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Have you asked your church for help? I think you should go to the pastor or someone and see if anything is available. They may be able to tide you over for a bit. I know this is hard, I never in my life wanted to file the big bad "B" but I really didn't have a choice unless I wanted my 13 year old to raise his two sisters. It may be something you have to look at. I hope you find an answer.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'm a bit behind on your thread (and everyone's- sorry!). Do you not want Gabe to help with stuff any more? I think if you can handle it and make sure he does it without expecting anything from you in kind you might as well let him mow the lawn- one less job for you to do!
If you really don't want him to do those things (I guess you've told him you don't?) maybe ask CG for a bit of help in exchange for lasagne or something? I'd love to see Gabe come round and see a cool guy mowing your lawn- that would be priceless!
Short of running him off with something sharp, what could I do? How to handle that? Suggestions for the inevitable next time?
Ok..no 2x4's from me...I think you have a few choices..
1..I really liked the sharp object choice!!! just kidding..
1. set boundaries...ie..Gabe, I'll take care of my own yard, thank you very much....doesn't the broom have a bush you need to trim???
2..let him play yard boy..use him and abuse him...till he quits..work his azzzz off..
3. and the best of all...and I agree with the ladies here..get CG over..make him a few meals in exchange for yard work...or find some nice, young, studly, christian man who will help you out in exchange for home cooked meals....when a man who once ruled the kingdom happens to see "new meat" on what was his turf...he usually either gets really angry and finally will leave you alone...or if he still has feelings..well he may do something else..
Kim's deal??? well..I get 2 weeks in the summer..problem is the weeks are not 7 days..they are 6 days, 5 nights...an oversight on my part and my lawyers..Kim and I been switching out and doing good on the visitation...I have a beach trip planned 8/1-8/8..paid for..and that is one of my weeks with Caleigh...so..I wanna take Caleigh..Kim's problem..she says she has no idea what the emotional effect of her(caleigh) being away from her mommy for that long..will do to Caleigh...
so there you have it....and personally..I think that's one of the most retarded reasons ever...especially since Caleigh and I have a great time together always..
Mish, just read something from FlyLady that seemed like a good idea. Instead of asking family and friends for money (which is hard to come by right now for anybody), ask them for their "stuff," their clutter. The woman who wrote about this ended up with 2 yard sales that netted $1400! Anything that didn't go, she boxed up in the garage and will have another sale in the fall. Is your mom able to sit and make change if you have a sale while you are at work? Marc can even have a cookie/cold drink stand (they often pull in as much as the sale when a kid is sitting there). You can also list things to sell for free on craig's list.
Another friend is making a LOT of money with home Gold parties...people bring their old/broken jewelry, she collects it and pays on the spot and gets a cut. I don't know the name of the company....
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Mike - Ick about Kim. My only advice is to try to come off with her as empathetic, tell her that Caleigh can talk with her a few times a day, you will take along a pic of her, etc. On the other hand, if Kim is so concerned about C not seeing her often enough, why is she working so much? Consequences for not having a 2 parent home suck - she is just going to have to live with it. It's 7 days, not a month. Sounds like she just isn't happy that you are going on vaca, and she isn't.
Ignore the jab about being unsure about having kids - she is just trying to make herself feel better (but you know that already).
Hey Mish.. I really like Donnas idea!! My house is a mess with stuff everywhere from my college course, but if a hard up friend offered to come take the stuff away, sort through it and sell it/whatever, I would say yes and they would be welcome to the cash! Theres always craigs list or ebay etc.
As for Gabe.. I didnt read taht at all as him doing things for you, or overstepping your boundaries.. I saw it as Gabe wanting to bond with his son in a kind of manly, hey I'll help you with the garden, kinda way. I'm guessing this is easier for them, things must be awkward with the D and him being with the broom and I read that men find it easier to bond/talk whilst being physically active. So on that count, I would go for option 4 (?) where you say its great that Gabe chose to hang out with Marc and set him a good example by helping him with chores/gardening, but please can he let you know in advance/ask first next time that he intends to come over so that you are aware he's going to be at the house? Thats a polite way of setting boundaries?
Sorry about the finances.. me too.. I have a stack of unpaid bills, I cant pay the electric, I have a court summons for hte water bill, bailifs letters for something else, bf found out yesterday I defaulted on the cc again and I cant pay the rent. I cant complain, because he will be moving back in which will help, but seeing as that wont reverse my tremendous debts though, I do know how horrible and stressful it is.
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
You are all too darned good! So much to reply to...where to start.
How about if I start with what transpired during the lawn service that led to a miserable afternoon.
Gabe, in usual fashion, started nit-picking on Marc while he was mowing the grass. He apparently wasn't doing a good enough job because he was missing spots. Well, he's only done this once before - give him time to learn! I figure that whatever he doesn't get this time he can get next time. Not Gabe, oh no, Marc has to do it perfectly right now. So, they ended up in a shouting match in the front yard. Marc was so upset with his dad that he put the lawn mower away and jumped on his bike and disappeared. Gabe was in the back yard trimming weeds and didn't know he had left. I was in the house doing some work and wasn't concerned about Marc since he was outside with his dad. Bad mistake on my part! Why would I expect Gabe to keep an eye on him? He's not responsible for him anymore, I am. Marc had been told the day before that he was not permitted to go anywhere on his bike yesterday because he was an hour late getting home the day before. He took off anyway. Not only that, he wouldn't answer his cell phone. I spent 2 hours driving around through all the subdivisions on our side of town looking for him. There are golf-cart paths that wind through the trees and over culverts all over the place here. Plenty of places to wreck a bike into a tree and end up dead or severly injured in a spot in the brush where no one would find you. Needless to say, I was scared out of my mind.
All of that happened why? Because Gabe's expectations for Marc are unreasonable and he doesn't understand the concept of leaving well enough alone. When Marc came home he flat out told me, "Dad's expectations are too high!". Strange thing to be coming out of his mouth.
Lisa - That is a really funny idea!!!! Get CG to come help with the lawn and make sure Gabe sees him there. That would be priceless! Alas, I'm not ballsy enough to do that plus CG is extremely busy trying to rennovate the fixer-upper house he bought.
Mike - The sharp object idea is really growing on me! I'm sure the broom does have something that needs trimming but I'm not even going there right now. HA!
Quote:
or if he still has feelings..well he may do something else..
Something else? Too late. No way.
Kim is seriously jacked up. She uses badly twisted logic, doesn't she? Hmmm....she doesn't know how being away from her will effect Caleigh emotionally? As long as she hears her mommy's voice a few times during the week away, she will be just fine! She'll be at the beach playing, making sandcastles, flying kites, and generally having a wonderful time! What more could a little princess want? Kim needs to get a clue - of course, batchitt crazy and clueless seem to be synonyms!
Donna - I like that idea. Of course, I have one entire side of my garage full of stuff to hold a yard sale but I would need to have a Saturday off to do that. The strange thing here is that in GA yardsales are held on Friday and Saturday or Saturday only. In CA the yard sales were all on Saturday and Sunday. I guess since this is the "bible belt", no one does Sunday. So, if I took on someone else's stuff, I'd still have the problem of no day to do it. I'll ask around though. Maybe I can manage a Saturday in July sometime. Very interesting idea.
Ali - I love the positive spin on the sitch, but you don't know Gabe. As you might be able to tell from the description above of the contentious happenings yesterday, it's all about control with Gabe. He can't control his own life so he controls the only person he can - Marc. It's not pretty. I do think that I stopped trying to see the "glass as half full" when it comes to Gabe. He will not change and things will not improve with him in any way so I'm not going to hope for that anymore. That being said, the healthiest thing I can do for myself and for Marc is to keep him as far out of our lives as possible. Every other weekend is quite enough for my poor little stressed out son.
A court summons for the water bill? Seriously? They don't just turn it off until you pay it? That royally stinks! How in the heck are you managing to live?
One more thing on this long, crazy post.
I had a coffee date last night with a man I met online. He was nice but totally not my type and I wasn't his type either. We did decide we might get together again sometime to play trivia at the pizza place or go bowling but there wasn't any kind of chemistry. I stepped out of my comfort zone big time and lived to tell about it. Whew...... I will say that I'm probably not going to do that again though. I realized very quickly that I have been out of the pool FAR too long to be able to do that again. C'est la vie!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I had a coffee date last night with a man I met online. He was nice but totally not my type and I wasn't his type either. We did decide we might get together again sometime to play trivia at the pizza place or go bowling but there wasn't any kind of chemistry. I stepped out of my comfort zone big time and lived to tell about it. Whew...... I will say that I'm probably not going to do that again though. I realized very quickly that I have been out of the pool FAR too long to be able to do that again. C'est la vie!
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interesting..very interesting..never figured you were ready but it appears you are...you put your toes in the water...good for you...I say contuinue on..what's the worst that could happen?? besides maybe fru fru dogs with pink collars...what-nots all over the house...glitter on the ceiling...
just kidding..
