My situation #9

[Distressed67]

Ken,

How are you doing? Any progress on the home front?

I hope the two of you are getting along and co-parenting.

Tim

[steady]

Hi Tim. Same old same old. She's doing a bit of drama dance here and there. As I watch her roller coastering I can't help but feel she really is in a fog. For a while I've felt she was making a rational decision but as this goes on and I see her swing to extremes I can't help but wonder if she really is in that fog.

I was telling people recently it seems as if she has been possessed. I'm sure the alcohol has a lot to do with it, but her demeanor is almost as if she has been taken over by something. It's really very strange. She's still looking for reasons to hang me from a cross and she created some drama yesterday over money I spent in the past year from my personal checking account. No big deal and I don't really care. As times goes on I'm starting to feel more and more like I really don't care and I don't really have to defend myself or make any excuses. I'm actually learning to be myself and not get hung up in the crap.

But I have to say some of this is wearing on me a bit and at times I just don't even feeling like dealing with any of it. It's moving slow and I just got a letter from my lawyer today about the psych evaluation regarding the custody issue. I added both her parents into the eval and she didn't like that much. She wants her dad taken out but I'm not going to do that.

She's been taking off and going to her mom's a lot lately (did it last night) and leaving me to take care of the kids. That's a good thing and I hope she keeps doing it because that will help me with the custody thing. She's going to try to show the psychologist that I'm an 'unfit' dad - can't make or makes bad decisions, doesn't read social situations, etc... I found all this crap on a piece of paper she left in the car after meeting with her lawyer last time.

I'm letting her lead this thing, I'm keeping any negativity on my part out of it - meaning I'm not going after her, or trying to be vindictive, and everything she is doing to get control over the whole thing is backfiring on her. So I ride the wave where it takes me and then do what I have to do to protect myself and my kids.

I'm doing well. I still have my moments where it seems that this whole mess is so sad but they are fewer and last a lot less time than they've had in the past.

The further away I step, the more I see about her personality that is so off-putting. But there is still a piece of me that would rather work this out with her.

[ndsmhelp]

Steady...I was just asking Tim if he had heard from you or knew how you were doing. Funny how that works, huh?

She's been taking off and going to her mom's a lot lately (did it last night) and leaving me to take care of the kids. That's a good thing and I hope she keeps doing it because that will help me with the custody thing. She's going to try to show the psychologist that I'm an 'unfit' dad - can't make or makes bad decisions, doesn't read social situations, etc... I found all this crap on a piece of paper she left in the car after meeting with her lawyer last time.

It strikes me as kind of odd that she is trying to prove you are incapable of taking care of the kids, but leaves you alone with them and goes to her mothers. Seems that the first question anyone would ask is..if you think he is unfit, then why the hell do you leave the kids with him???

Some unexpected twists in my sitch have brought me back here to gain a little calmness and perspective. Trying not to get sucked back into having this site showing on my screen all day.

We'll have to catch up.

Take care.

[steady]

nds I'm banking on anyone who looks at this will draw the same conclusion as you. We are on the track to do a psychological analysis to determine what is best for the children. It's a big process of doing psychological and other observations to determine what the custody time should be.

She constantly leaves the kids with me as she goes off and does her own thing. So she's a walking contradiction. I love being with my kids and taking care of them - it gives me more opportunity to spend more time with them.

My W is a very intelligent woman but she is in that fog because of her drinking and the whole WAW thing. We got into a discussion where I told her she was so unforgiving toward me. I also told her she is only staring at anything she can perceive as a fault of mine etc... Of course she hit me back with her negativity but the funny thing is this, I could see the doubt rise inside of her. Of course by this morning she had rationalized and overrode the doubt (or so it seemed). As usual I can see it was a futile attempt to rationalize with an irrational person.

I have gotten very detached and fully accept the direction we are heading in. I keep just riding the direction she keeps moving in even all the switch-ups she has thrown in. I have seen the less I try to control anything concerning her and the sitch the more things seem to be arising and apparently going positive for me (I say apparently because I can't predict what anything means and I'm trying to keep in mind all things are neutral and it's our assigning it good and bad that make it so. Sometimes things I label as good actually turn out bad, and vice versa). It's a fascinating process to watch.

I'm doing well. Continue to find happiness inside of this chaos and am grateful for the things I do have. I still have my moments, but as time progresses they are less intense and last for a lot shorter period of time.

I'm gonna go take a look at your sitch.

Also I went kayaking on Sunday and we ended up paddling 6 miles. There were 20 people and I had a good time and met some nice people. I'm continuing to GAL and build a life for myself.

Thanks for popping by.

[steady]

Found some stuff the other day - wife journaling some notes about our interactions. Contains a lot of lies and truth distortions. It makes me wonder, how do I counterbalance the lies she's going to tell the psychologist in the custody thing? I refuse to lie or embelish the truth because I believe the truth will stand on its own.

Am I being naive about this?

[Coach]

Found some stuff the other day - wife journaling some notes about our interactions. Contains a lot of lies and truth distortions. It makes me wonder, how do I counterbalance the lies she's going to tell the psychologist in the custody thing? I refuse to lie or embelish the truth because I believe the truth will stand on its own.

Am I being naive about this?

Talk to your lawyer. Keep good notes for yourself. She is counter attacking which is normal. All the other parties involved have seen this before so they won't be surprised by the tactics/antics. Keep yourself emotionally balanced so that you can stay under control. You can handle it.
Cheers
Coach

[steady]

Thanks Coach. I've been taking notes and journaling for months now. We're going on 6 months since she rebombed me with the D. And of course I have all the documention that I've been doing here since last July.

I am fighting for 50/50 with my kids. I am totally involved in their lives and the only thing my W does that I don't is shop for their clothes - but obviously that's something I can do. I have been spending a lot of time with them as she takes of, sometimes impulsively, and goes to her mom's and stays there overnight.

I've pretty much stopped posting a lot of the stuff her because it's mostly journaling day to day things mixed in with some relevant stuff.

I'm hoping the psychologist will be able to sift through her stuff and see her lying and manipulation of the truth. Sometimes I get the feeling I should be embelishing like she is but I refuse to do that. If I don't get what I want because the truth that I hold to doesn't stand on it's own then so be it. I'd rather be able to say at the end that I stuck to the facts and didn't need to try to manipulate the situation.

I have been feeling really good and have actually detached more than I thought I would be at this point. Her actions and the things that come out of her mouth have helped me detach a great deal. I don't recognize the woman who she has become.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by Coach. I always appreciate your input.

[steady]

Some days just suck. Today is one of those days. I expect them here and there so it's no surprise. Every once in a while the whole sitch lands on my head...

[Distressed67]

You can't just come in make a statement like that and then not explain it. Your like a cliff hanger that says To Be Continued..... and I have to wait till next season to find out what happened.

[steady]

Nah Tim...just a crappy day that's all. Seems like I couldn't get away from the flood of thoughts today....all having to do with the sitch. I'm watching what appears to be an unraveling of Tim's (nds) sitch and it's hitting me pretty hard also. It seems like the success percentage around here is around less than 10% or so (I'm sure I'm off, but I know it's dismally low).

I expect days like this once in a while. And it's been once in a while lately, but being in them does stink.

What I meant about the whole thing landing on my head is just the totality of everything that has happened, everything that is right now, and the crap I'm facing sometimes just rushes in like a huge wave. It's hard to explain, but people who've experienced it will know what I'm saying.

Nothing's changed on the outside...the sitch is still the sitch. It's just a down day that's all.