d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

I met with my L yesterday. It went well, I found some mistakes which she actually said wow, you're good at understanding all of this. I just laughed and said I just want to protect myself in case. She doesn't think this will be a done deal on June 29. My H hasn't sent her the paperwork he needed to and she doesn't think he'll sign our agreement. I hate to think that if it isn't done then that's just more money for her !!

I could have gave him my agreement but I chose not to. It will be to hard for me to do. I'm sure he will come to me with questions on it once he receives it in a day or so.

Last night he dropped off our D4 but wouldn't get out of his vehicle. I went outside and heard him arguing on his cell. Saying How could you do this to me? Why couldn't you just have been honest with me. I knew it was with a girl and other stuff was said but I was thinking to myself. That really sounded like some of the things I had said to him in the past. I do believe he got burned. Oh well ! Sucks

I went to his van and got our D4 out of if (he's still on phone arguing, He ended up hanging up on her. He told me he was talking to a guy. I said, stop lying I could actually hear her voice. He didn't say anything. I just told him he should be proud the people who never would have hurt him and who love him he s**ts on. He said nothing and left.

H texts me, shoot me no nevermind I will just shoot myself. I was scared for him. But he has been so stuck on himself lately and I was so ticked off. I texted, no you won't you are too stuck on yourself to do anything.

About 1 hour later (via text) H for the first time in who know,says that he loves D4 and I. I was taken aback with that statement. I then "tested" him, and said are you also telling me that you want to be here and stay a family together. He texted, "yes". WTH. I told him then please talk to me about this whole issue (divorce) and lets see if it will work. I did tell him I loved him. Guess what? he never answered me. I never texted back either.

Now today I'm very scared because he never has said one thing today, (very odd for him) he always texts me something. I want to text him but I'm afraid, maybe he didn't mean what he said last night??? Then I think, wonder if something happened to him, especially with him talking about shooting himself.

My thoughts are just wild again. I take alot of bathroom breaks so I can cry or pray.

Kind of feels like we're back to square one. When he said that all to me last night, wouldn't he want to talk about it? Or maybe he just wants to be alone. He said he loves us, or is he starting to panic?

I have D4 tonight so I have to be in a good mood for her. It's getting harder.

Anyone have any advice for this wacked out mother?? (at least I feel that way)