It does sound as if it keeps replaying in your mind like a terrible nightmare. I don't know what to do about something like that except to keep "trying" to think about happy things and that is a lot easier said than done. To have a friend and then your BIL to take their own lives must have left it scars. I hope with all my heart that your IC will give you the tools you need to finally have more days without the nightmares. I believe you are mature enough (at least you certainly sound mature) to know what you must do to get past this horrible tragidy that has left its mark on you and those you care about. I know you are very, very worried about your W and would work with her and help her any way you could. However, you sound like you a person who sees they need to go into "survial mode" if your spose constantly refuses to help themselves of the stitch. I don't see this as being selfish, b/c I think to coninue to try to stick close to her right now would not be so good for you. Does that sound ugly of me? I don't mean it that way, but I agree with your point. Hopefully, you can find peace and happiness and maybe "time" will do something to help heal your W and her sister. I sure hope so.
I know it looks dark now, but you do sound stronger and determined to help yourself. That is good. Detaching from one you love is not easy, but sometimes it is very necessary. I hope you will do that for yourself.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
