- Went to a Zen Do yesterday for the first time. After years of study and reading it was time for me to join a community. It was great. My family and friends probably won't understand my inner beliefs but I don't care. It's just for me anyway.
- Will be visiting psy for the first time in about a month. These have been reeeeealllllly complicated weeks lately and I wish could have had C visits but I'm on my last dimes and $ that would have gone to out-of-pocket needed to go to other expenses.
- I'm now conflicted about this family vacation for the July 4th weekend. W bought a mileage ticket for me about 2 months ago. The plan is to see her family (we still stay in touch), watch kids while she attends HS reunion stuff, see other friends, hit some 4th events.
I don't know. I'm not feeling it right now. A few weeks ago this would have been great but I'm enjoying my time away from her and it's very apparent she has her own new life and I'm not in it. We had good together times up to the day of the separation, but after that very little, with the exception of the weekend when the kids came to town (was it about us or just the kids?).
There's sure to be some awkward times. Their extended family house is always full of drama, and there always seems to be a crisis. I just don't want to be at the center of one.
I'm not sure how much time we will spend together. If this is just 'bring Orange along so he can watch the kids all week' then I'm not interested. Guess I need to ask about the agenda first.
I just don't know whether this will be good connection time or week from hell. Whatever it is, it will require all the db skills I have and then some.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I'm now conflicted about this family vacation for the July 4th weekend...I don't know. I'm not feeling it right now...I'm not sure how much time we will spend together...I just don't know whether this will be good connection time or week from hell.
How far away is that target, soldier? Just askin'.
Well I feel like it's bearing down on me like 5m target with a bayonet closing in fast but lets break it down:
- Trip is 16 days away, and will last five days.
- Our only scheduled interactions between then and now are three kid soccer games ( about an hour and change each).
- There could be possible discussions about ch 13 if my atty calls about plans.
This is really the only target. There could be others in the far distance (MC, Retrouvaille) but I can't make them out from here. They are obscured in fog. I'm not even sure if I want to engage.
I was just planning to continue driving my jeep along Happy Artillery Road with my kids in the back.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
The Black Dog is lurking around again. Looking for fresh meat.
I was so content yesterday but today so conflicted. As I think back a few weeks ago to all the baby steps we'd made toward each other. For a while I believed there was a chance but now not a word. Part of me is sad but part of me just wants out because I'm so tired of the BS. I so tired of getting put through the wringer for this person.
Visit with psy is Wednesday and not a moment too soon. Gotta discuss this stuff. Find out whether I should still go on that trip or not.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
The Dog can't handle truth, strength, and PMA. So let's just lob it a Mojo bone and scare him off. (ABC) Do you know the D & E part too?
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For a while I believed there was a chance but now not a word. Part of me is sad but part of me just wants out because I'm so tired of the BS. I so tired of getting put through the wringer for this person.
Expectations will cause a free fall. Make a note of it.
Tired - "fatigue makes cowards of all of us." So take care of yourself.
The trip question will work itself out, right now you need to tend to your needs. You can handle it. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The thing I'm doing = Quiet. Not contacting. Focusing on my own life. I'm not trying to be rude (maybe she thinks I am) but I just don't feel good going there physically or mentally. It feels better just to let it go.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
The thing I'm doing = Quiet. Not contacting. Focusing on my own life. I'm not trying to be rude (maybe she thinks I am) but I just don't feel good going there physically or mentally. It feels better just to let it go.
It's just "Quiet" to you. Your W is watching you and taking notice of your actions.
"maybe she thinks I am" - no mind reading, communication tool if you want to know what someone thinks, feels or believes then ask
What feels better letting it go? Why?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
W is watching my actions. What? We have few interactions anymore. No online connections. There's little to see from her side unless she asks.
What feels better? "I" feel better. Orangedog is Orangedog, not "Broken Dog". CityGirl's story about how she became so independent and strong is so inspiring. I know she worked really hard to get there. When I just don't give any mental energy to her and her crazy scene (the house, BFF, Facebook addiction, etc.) then things are easier for me.
Last edited by orangedog; 06/16/0906:59 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
When I just don't give any mental energy to her and her crazy scene (the house, BFF, Facebook addiction, etc.) then things are easier for me.
The ole "wasted energy" drop the rope trick. You cannot control her. You control your thoughts (stay away dog), feelings and actions.
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CityGirl's story about how she became so independent and strong is so inspiring. I know she worked really hard to get there.
Do your work. You can handle it.
Cheers Coach
ps Yes you are being watched by your wife. I did not believe it either at first. So your work matters and never forget its for your benefit.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
