Gonna Get Me A Mojo Hand

[Kettricken]

I don't disagree. I see three ways this kind of thing plays out:

"OMG, OMG, don't leave me, I love you ssoooooooooooo much I can't breathe without you how could you do this to me what about the kids OMG I'll never love anyone but you don't leeeeeeeeeave me ....."

"I love you and want the best for you. If you leave, I will not stalk you, ruin you financially, or turn the kids against you. Whatever happens, I will survive and thrive. But you need to know, I love you very much, I am serious about our marriage and am willing to work hard with you so we're both getting what we want and need out of it. My life would be lessened if you, in all your uniqueness, weren't in it, and I would much rather thrive WITH you than separately."

"Eh, I can do better. 3ws.match.com. No big deal to me either way."

Obviously, that's massively over-simplified and hyperbolic. But as a general guide .... I think ya gotta aim for the middle, and not err too far into #3 inadvertently.

No, healthy attraction is not based on need and guilt. And no healthy relationship is based on leveraging the OPs narcissism. For sure.

But still ... it does SEEM easier to start fresh when we've collaborated with our spouse in garbaging up our current relationship. BAG-gage. I think it's possible that believing she is uniquely valued and not readily replacable might go some distance toward balancing those scales and motivating her toward the crow-eating and hard work necessary to back away from the precipice of divorce.

And I think that's the message she's getting.