At the moment, the best thing for me to do is focus on me and my D that is almost 3. My W has been luring me in for months then dropping the bomb over and over. W uses her parents and friends also. She thinks the world revolves around her. Of course, she wasn't like this towards me before we M. W was doing the samething she is doing with to her parents. Her father is a pastor and didn't put up with her clubbing etc. W eventually rebelled against her family and moved in with me secretly. She would park her car different places and tell them she was staying with different family members. When I got saved, W make comments that I act like her father. I think my lifestyle switch has alot to do with so of it. W doesn't view me as to fun party guy anymore and is getting attention from OM.
That seems to be a recurring theme with WAW's. Attention. The thrive on it, external validation from other men pumps their self-esteems artificially but take them out of that environment for a bit and you would notice they get moody, depressed, etc. They don't get their fix, they go into withdrawal.
Couple things to think about, I know I went through the entire range of changes. Being a nice guy (aka man exhibiting weak, wimpy, wussy behavior, acting like a martyr, look at me, don't you love me, after everything I've done for you, etc.), to be being the uber strong, ultra confident, strong willed man with boundaries who commanded respect from everyone. Now I'm looking for that middle ground and I think that's where you will need to be eventually but you have alot of growth to go through, I sense that when I read your posts.
You want your wife back. She knows it, she knows you want her back really badly. You are conquered, you present no challenge to her and that is boring to her so she'll take her time to make a decision with you and it will drive you crazy, it probably is right now.
One thing you need to make clear to yourself and really burn it into your brain: you need to love & respect yourself more than anyone else, more than your wife, more than your kids, etc. There's a reason for this. You will be the example for your children so that they develop healthy self-esteem, self-love & self-respect - they will learn not from your words, they will learn from your example, even at a young age, it's really the only way children learn. Become the best person you can possibly be for yourself.
Another thing you have to remember, women will not respect men who they can control. Your wife has a fair amount of control over you, admit it, you can feel it, she holds all the power and you just sit there and get your leash tugged on, that's gotta suck after a while.
The hardest thing to realize in all of this is that you have to be willing to let go of the people who don't love & respect you or value the relationship enough to do whatever it takes to fix it. You need to know & believe this and your wife needs to know that you finally know & believe this and it can't just be words coming out of your mouth, it has to be how you carry yourself around her.
Start limiting your contact with her, stop focusing on her. When she is nice & respectful to you, you mirror that and then some, smile, be happy and be a great person. When she starts acting hurtful & abusive to her, set her straight, tell her in no uncertain terms "I won't reward your crap behavior with my attention anymore, maybe the old me tolerated this before but I'm not that person anymore!" and then leave the room, leave the home, just leave the area and don't entertain her bratty behavior anymore.
When you start respecting yourself, when you start setting boundaries with how she can treat you and how you choose to live your life, you will see a difference in how she treats you and you will feel the difference in how you experience your life.
Have faith in God, definitely. But remember, you are empowered by him to choose the shape & direction in your life. He won't wave his hand and make everything perfect for you, he has foreseen this path in your life and has given you the tools (regardless if you know it or not) to handle this situation in your life. You can't just pray to him for strength, you have faith in him, have faith that he has already given you the strength to deal with this in the right way, you must have faith in yourself, believe in your strength & ability and act accordingly. Don't wait for any special signs, if you pray to him, ask him for clarity on this part of your life and then every time something happens in an argument, in a hurtful behavior from your WAW, think about this clarity and think about how to proceed - many times you will get many revelations and many "AHA" moments and alot of times you will realize that your actions will be the opposite of what normal male logic would dictate in this situation.
You have prayed for strength, for resolution to your problems. Have faith in God that he has given you the required ability to deal with this, pray for clarity on how to use your talents & gifts and fix this problem in whatever way the resolution manifests itself as.
From my own experience, a woman prefers a strong man, a confident man, a secure man, someone who will be reliable in the many ways that a man can be reliable (and that doesn't just involve paying bills & fixing things).
Don't be a wimp, Don't be an overly strong gorilla, find your middle ground and take it from there. Be the strong wall for your wife to lean on, up until this point she has been punching holes in your wall and breaking it down easily, time to show her that the wall is made of stronger stuff right now - if she tries to punch holes in your "wall", show her that it's stronger and won't be broken down anymore.
