Not to jump on the bandwagon, but wanted to tell you that I also am inspired by how you have found your strength and sense of self awareness, and how that has allowed you to show unconditional love to your W. I don't think there is any selfishness in a response that really is the best for all involved, or at least, the best to be made of things as they are at this time.
You say that it is selfish just because it is part of the path you have set out to take. Nope, I think not. Its part of the only way out is through deal-eo. You are practicing intention without attachment to to outcome. You are putting your attention towards your intention, but you are living in the present, not trying to force the future. Before I get too Deepak Chopra here, I'll stop.
Also wanted to thank you for your compassion and thoughtful words the other day on my thread. I'm a bit embarrassed at the way that I zig zagged all over the board here in a desperate cry for HELP. IRL I am not such an attention seeker.
Still, I've been thinking a lot about what you said regarding fear, and recognizing that at this point there is very little to do or that could tip things in one direction or another. Of course there are things that could further damage the R (nail the coffin shut, seal it with super glue, encase the whole thing in cement) but that really, the M., as it was is over.
I wonder what my moment will be, when I hear, really hear music again. There have been times when I thought I was paddling along in calm detachment. Hey, once or twice I may even have stood up in the canoe! Look at me, I can balance, whooohoo, I'm really A-OK. Then I see how easy it is to rock my boat. Same old triggers of hurt, anger, bewilderment-FEAR- not very far below the surface, causing ripples. I capsize, haul myself back in, blinking...somehow still surprised, Hey, I'm soaking wet again ?!
Don't know why I got stuck on these boat analogies. Anyway, the point was to express thanks, admiration, and to offer my little token of support, as we all sail along, chartering our respective courses. I can only imagine the whole other dimension of pain experienced by those who have to see their children hurt by this. But I do know that they will never have to question that you are there to be and provide everything that they need.
Last edited by traveldane; 06/16/0905:35 PM.
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
