Don't Let Them Eat Cake

[In Limbo]

Hello all! I hope everyone is having a good day. It's beautiful here, not a cloud in the sky. Too bad I'm working instead of at the pool!

I'm struggling with something and hope someone has some advice. Last night, H asked me if it was ok for him to take the boys to the beach this weekend. After slipping up momentarily and asking him who else was going (thinking it was a college aged male friend of ours, NOT a female) which aggravated him, I said yes. I then started planning what I was going to do with three whole days without any responsibilities! I had planned a massage, pedicure, pool time, etc.

Then this morning H says "if you will find us a place to stay, you are welcome to go with us to the beach." H never plans anything on his own, has NEVER planned a vacation - I've always done that. I was insulted as it seemed to me a conditional invite and that I was being used. I told him thanks, but no thanks for him to just take the boys and go. I figure a great 180 for me is to hold out and NOT help H with any reservations, planning, packing or even directions (I always navigate). If he's going to be on his own, he needs to be doing those things anyway and I've got to give up trying to control situations by always doing everything (my tell-tale codependency). If I know H, he will either try to convince me to go or end up not going because I didn't make the arrangements. I may be surprised and he may just go on and everything be fine for all involved.

But here is my delima. I know my children well enough to know they will not understand why I am not going with them and may not even want to go without me. What do I do if they kids react that way? What do I do if they beg me to go or say they don't want to go? Do I go for them or is that just a cop-out for really not trusting H to take them without me (again controlling)? I really want to break this cycle of H depending on me (using me) for all of his responsibilities, which is what I believe is best for me, but I also want to do what is best for the kids. If we were D, they would have to go without me, right? Is not going an opportunity for H to see what he'd miss without me there? Or would going be an opportunity for H to see happy family times?

I'd appreciate feedback on this if anyone has thoughts on it.

Thanks!