Piecing 20 yrs of SSM back together

[mamanpc]

Good progress made, i think, vs my last post. Shortly after my last post, i was getting to ready to have 'the conversation' with H - explaining that i was getting frustrated about the lack of progress we were making and that i was thinking about giving up. And low and behold, BEFORE i had to have that 'conversation', he made an appointment with the sex therapist (finally!!!) and accepted to follow (partly as he's not respecting the full dose prescribed...) the recommended treatment. And it does indeed make a difference when we ML, although i think it might be better at a higher dose... but it's a big step already that he accepts to take it.
And in fact, the treatment (an SSRI anti-depressant at a low dose for erectile dysfuntion) is doing WONDERS for his overall well-being - he himself has noticed and admitted that it is helping him a lot. Much more serene, less driven, and seeming to be happier to be where we are now... and he says that he appreciates me more and more.
I am also trying to work on my 'low desire' state - as i've read in posts elsehwere, it does have a lot to do with the lackluster quality of our love-making, although not only.

Now, my attempts to produce some action-oriented goals for my R:
- improve our emotional intimacy, i.e. i would be able to share my feelings and thoughts with H, including on topics related to spirituality and sexuality, without being judged, belittled, or scoffed at. So that i feel respected, even when he disagrees with me.
- the different approaches/outlooks and beliefs that i have would be understood by H, without necessarily accepting them, simply i would like that he acknowledge their value, even if he doesn't share them.
- increase our non-sexual physical intimacy - he would accept to hold me/ touch me non-genitally and leave it at that. And he would acknowledge verbally that he accepts doing that - it would be ML 'my way' for a change. And, again, he would respect that choice i.e. to be intimate non sexually (the way i like it) for the entire session together.
I have already told him that just htinking about non-genital intimacy turns me on! which he finds totally bizarre...
- a consequence to understanding/respecting my differences in taste/desire/interests, we would be able to do things together that interest him very little/not at all (like i do now/previously when we do some things with him). For ex visit a Natural Horsemanship centre that's not far from teh house.
He did say that he was open to discussing/considering my 'dream project(s)' of working with horses in the future - and that's a HUGE improvement vs the past!
so now i need to tell him how much i appreciate all the progress that he's made - and do 'more of the same' on my side to encourage that change in his side, by changing my behavior/attitude - more listening, more positive acknowledgement of all that he does...