Last night was typical, H came over, played with DD for a few minutes. Sat on the couch and we chatted. He dressed DD for bed and put her down.
He was getting ready to leave and I was about to fold some towels and he actually came over to me and hugged me. Not like one-arm hug, like what I was getting for weeks before he dropped the "I want to move out" bomb... it was a two-arm, solid, 10-second or so hug with a couple of neck pecks...
I admit, I was caught off guard and wasn't sure how to respond. So I just hugged him back and told him I missed his hugs.
He's over at the house right now, since it's his day off it's "Daddy-Daughter Day".
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
No hugs yesterday, but I'm not bent out of shape about it... H came over in the morning to have his day with our daughter, I came home for lunch so that he could run out and get his hair cut before his drill this weekend. He brought me lunch on his way back, I told him I really appreciated it. Went back to work, did some volunteer thing with YMCA for a few hours, came home, H actually sat around and played with DD and me (he did have pants in the dryer though) for a while before he left to go to his friend's wake. He had also cleaned the catbox for me! (I've had to do it the last few times - since I'm pregnant I'm not supposed to - I appreciated that!)
He was headed back towards the house this morning (meeting another coworker to go to the funeral) and his car died on the interstate right outside of my work and he called to see if I could help him out - it started back up by the time I got out of my parking lot so I didn't have to do anything... But he will probably be taking the day off so that he can get his car fixed.
I also noticed that he had taken some pictures out of collage frames that we had stacked in our "spare" bedroom, and he had turned the frames towards the wall (maybe that I wouldn't notice?) I'm not going to freak out about it - it was pictures of him, or him and his dad and brother, or him and our pet ferret that we had many years ago. They are his to do what he wants with...
(As long as he didn't find my new comforter set that I spent $150 on the other day that I'm hiding in the closet in that room ;-))
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Oh, and MC starts a week from today! I am excited, because then we will finally have some guidance... It might be better if someone is giving us "assignments" because I think we're both flying blind and tiptoeing around eachother right now.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
And I'm reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and it's completely eye-opening about men... I wish I'd read it years ago! The stuff about men going into their caves to be alone to deal with their stress, and the rubber band analogy where they need to back away from the intimacy of the relationship every so often... So, anyone reading this thread - check that book out. It's amazing. I've read books like "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" that touch on "guy time" - but this really cleared it up for me.
Well, now I'm letting him have his cave without nagging or complaining or pressure. And hoping he eventually snaps back like a rubber band
I told him yesterday that so many people have told me lately that I'm glowing (amazing for how stressed out I've been - must be my newfound inner peace). And I'm actually getting to a place where I'm enjoying my pregnancy again, and looking forward to the birth. And not just because I can have a gigantic mojito Oh, and I can eat... mostly Taco Bell though!
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
So, we didn't see H at all yesterday - his car is still in the shop so he wasn't able to come over to visit DD. I thought I'd be nice and offer to bring her over, and H thought about it for a minute, but he said no - there wouldn't be much time to actually hang out before I'd have to get DD home for bed, and he didn't have any toys or TV or anything at his place to entertain her. I even offered to take us out to dinner. So, I'm not going to do that anymore... All the shots must be called by him from now on... Backing off again.
Although, if his car is dead and he needs $$ to fix it or someone to cosign on a new car, he will be SOL. He can use my Goodyear card if he needs to for a small repair, but other than that... if he's not willing to commit to me, I'm not opening up any more credit in my name for him. It's bad enough that I'm stuck with this house!
But, I am so lucky that I get to walk into my daughter's room every morning and be greeted with an enthusiastic "Hi!" And that she is so happy to see me at the end of the day.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Luckily H's car will only cost about $500 to fix (hopefully) and he will have to borrow some $ from me (promising to pay me back tomorrow on payday, hopefully + half of the mortgage + half of the bills so far for the month! That will probably leave him with not much spare money).
We didn't really talk about anything else... He's not having much luck hijacking anyone's internet access at his apartment so he has to go to a coffee shop to get online.
You know, we were talking yesterday and he said that he had walked home from the dealership where he had dropped his car - and I was aghast that he walked all the way across town... Then I said "oh, I forgot you don't live with me anymore!" (his apt is 'only' 40 blocks from the dealership) Things are so NOT different for me in terms of his presence in my life that I forgot he has his own place now...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
Not much new, but it always helps for me to update...
H got his car fixed (hooray!) and it didn't cost too much, and he's already paid me back. He came over last night - it ended up being really late (about 15 minutes before DD's regular bedtime). So he only stayed for about 45 minutes.
He didn't answer his phone when I called to see if he was still coming over, so I was fuming when he got there - I was practically in tears because he PROMISED he would still be around to see DD as much as possible, and he wasn't even being courteous enough to call... I am just worried that he will end up being one of those uninvolved divorced parents if we split up - most of our friends who have divorced do it 50/50.
Turns out it took him over an hour to get to the car dealership (he had to walk about 50 blocks (in 90 degree heat!), including stopping at home to change into tennis shoes), and then he went home and ate dinner, and then it takes about 20 minutes to get back to my house.
He said "You didn't offer to drive me to the dealership, so I had to walk."
I said "You didn't ask me to. I would have if you had asked me."
And that was that. That is something I would have done before the separation - I would have left work early to pick him up and make sure he got to there without even waiting to be asked. But part of my problem before was doing too much for him, putting myself out, and not really getting anything in return.
Positives - we've been more appreciative of the things that we do for each other since the separation (me lending money & assisting with "research" and him changing the cat box & bringing me lunch the other day). And he hugged me again before he left, it didn't throw me as much as it did the first time. I guess physical contact has to be reestablished somewhere.
He's out of town for today and tomorrow for his army stuff... Tonight I'm taking DD out to a bar/grill with the rest of my family to celebrate my late brother's birthday (he would have been 27 today) and tomorrow my new furniture is coming, I might take DD to a parade, and then I'm going out to a party with friends while she stays with grandma & grandpa for a little while. Thinking about going to church too, since I have to be a parishioner somewhere in order to get DD into Catholic school in a few years!
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
