I am thinking about you and praying for you and your family. I know how difficult rebuilding and maintaining the trust can be, especially when you have been so hurt in the past. But it will always be an obstacle to overcome, even with new relationships.
I am confident that IC and MC will help the both of you. Trust is a something that takes time and it takes constant work. It will also require a lot of compassion and sensitivity to each other's thoughts and feelings -- and those in turn can be aided by counseling.
Your H may seem to be by nature a callous lout, but that is simply the natural state for us males. Now this is not a valid excuse because all of us (men) can learn to be less "insensitive" about such things -- we just have to learn to work harder at what might come more easily to women. But we are certainly not incapable of it.
By the same token women can learn to appreciate the differences as well, without condescension, and trying to be a bit more understanding of each gender's gifts and handicaps.
Sorry, that was bit of a tangent.
The point is that I have found counseling very constructive to helping me better understand the subtle dynamics between men and women, things I thought I knew but not really. And I came to realize that my xW has always taken it for granted that solely because she is a female she automatically has full and complete savvy with regards to human interactions and the nature of both men and women. The reality is that she is just as lost as any of us, and more so. Her overconfidence has blinded her to the subtle but important nuances of reality.
