Listen - please go read my latest post in my thread. Do you want that to happen to you? Having lived through anxiety that was so intense that it eventually manifested into a clinical panic disorder (that certainly has not gone away but has improved with lots of hard work and dedication) I can promise you its not the route you want to take.
Yes, I understand our situations are different and my anxiety wasnt solely based on my H and his actions. And no, I dont have children so I can pretend to understand that element. But what I can relate to is feeling like such hell you wonder why you should get out of bed each day.
Now, anger in a D has its place because it can help push you to the next phase but it seems that you are stuck again. And how many times do you want to be stuck? Dont you want your personal freedom back?
Let me be blunt - why is your W so great in your mind? She wants to divorce you, she is dating/sleeping with other men, she wont give you the time of day unless she needs something, she tries to end almost all conversations you and her have and she doesnt even want you in the house unless she can monitor what you are doing. She didnt even trust you enough or have enough respect for you to choose your own apartment and she gave you all the crap furniture once she did "approve" the apartment you chose.
Now, if some stranger told you all that about their spouse what would you think? Would you think they are a good spouse? I doubt it. But you allow your vows to cloud what is really happening here. Yes, we all took vows wearing fancy white dresses and lovely suits. And yes, they were supposed to be for life. But is this the life you want?
When you realize you are NOT a second class citizen then you will stop allowing your W to treat you as one. When you get tired enough of getting kicked around and treated like crap then you will change what you need to change.
