Well, Jeff,you know my H well. Yup, I`ve been sidestepping but he`s laying around like a lion ready to pounce.
Last night he lay on my bed watching a history programme on TV even though he hates history. I knew trouble was brewing.He said it was my turn to sleep downstairs. Said he was really tired going to bed after the kids getting up before them as he1s not letting them know he`s sleeping in the guestroom. I said he`s welcome to sleep in `my` bed. He refused point blank. I sympathised with him and said I hated to see him so tortured in himself and that I`d sleep on the floor in my room if he wanted the bed. He refused that too.
All the while I`m lying there quietly listening to him and a torrent of anger comes out. Usual stuff about all this being my fault. I asked him how were his plans going for separation since he said he was moving out two weeks ago. He said I could move. Then he said, he`d move down to his home county.
I said what about the kids then. he said they could move with him.He said he could afford a place down there...
He can`t. And he cant take the kids away from their family home either. But he obviously had thought any of that through.
I said would separation be the best thing for the kids. He said all i ever think of is the kids. I scknowledged that I didn`t think enough of him and put the kids first always and then I got more anger all about how much I hurt him etc etc. How he should never have married me...never wants sex with me again..I was too strong for him...we don`t have the same interests...i don`t appreciate all the sports he does...
I stayed in DB mode. Didn`t argue. Just listened and kept sympathizing with how he`s feeling. Said I was concerned about the impact of all of this on his health.
then he said he would just have to live with it because his mother did not want him to separate and he couldn`t put her through that hurt!
Whoa! So its ok to put us all thro hell just because that`s what MIL wants!But I gently said it was so important for him to make his own decisions for himself.
On it went in circles. Me being calm tho everything is my fault. he even admitted at one point that he really feels like hurting me. But I knew that already.
Said he is avoiding people, even his siblings.Refuses to seek professional help of any sort as he `doesn`t need it`.said he`s not depressed or suicidal, just `pissed off`.
I`m actually quite calm still despite all this. I think I feel ok cos the pain of the separation has been put off for the kids for another while.And I get a lot of joy out of life anyhow despite this burden.
But I`m know I`m at Crazy Station!
Glad you`re getting some peace 2il!and no the irony of your H`s announcement doesn`t surprise me;they`re oblivious to family occasions cos they`re oblivious to family.
Hugs to you! There`s life ahead for all of us and choices too!
