GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

[saffie]

I am afraid GH I agree with Sara. Don't pick her up from the airport.

If you haven't done so already, perhaps it is time to share some of her correspondence with OM with her family.

The longer this pregnancy continues, the harder it will get to have a termination. At 16 weeks gestation she would have to go through a proper labour to terminate - that would be awful. I don't think she would do that so you need to plan for what you are going to do when this baby arrives. My guess is she sees the baby as an insurance plan ....as a way of keeping you hanging on and with her in some supporting capacity.

In the past, although she has railed against it, it has always been when you have put your foot down that she has 'come to heel'. So therefore, I would decide what you want and then act on it and don't be swayed by her. She will end up falling into line with your plans.

GH, being a parent and keeping a M going is hard enough when both parties want that. Children don't cement a M they pull the parents in different directions in most cases. IMO one should never have a child with someone when going into the situation you are uncertain.....it will only make things more complicated and difficult.

I also think that email she sent to work was just awful. What kind of light does that show you in? This woman really has no consideration for others.

Think hard about this GH- do you really want to be dealing with this for years to come?

[MrBond]

Have you talked to her at all about how you strongly object to everything she's doing?

Have you confronted her about her message to terminate the pregnancy? I think you need to get that into the open.

First thing she needs to do is get help. Who knows what she could be doing? She might even be suicidal if that OM puts her down the "wrong" way.

Stay strong. You are amazing to have stayed with it for this long.

[Phoenixdeux]

GH31,

I know what I said earlier, but I think you have one choice now...you've tried all the others. I would go dark on her. I would NOT pick her up at the airport. I would be moved out of the house by Wednesday when she gets back. She has to lose you now. You can't make her be a reasonable wife. You can't force her into giving up OM (in reality or just in her heart). But you can give yourself back your self-respect and maybe help her take the steps necessary for her to get you back. It's always been too easy for her. You have kept her around no matter how many times she contacts (and sleeps) with OM. You look like the cuckolded husband. She's the kind of woman that NEEDS to be kicked to the curb. Why do you think she's in England now? Because she was kicked to the curb. Get out GH31. And don't take her back so easily if she ever does get her head out. And quit believing anything she's said. Her actions have been enough to show you what you're dealing with.

[GH31]

Venting again here.

I have received another email from W yesterday:

Hi GH31,

Been busy. Sorting stuff out. Will be back Saturday.

I have taken the week off work.

W

This means we won't be going to the scheduled ultrasound appointment for Thursday. Her 2 nephews and niece are being baptised on Sunday and I am supposed to be a godfather to the niece who's 2 months old. If W actually does get back on Saturday then she would have to leave England at Thursday lunchtime.

Yesterday evening I was furious and rang a UK mobile number which I thought was hers but which I later discovered is OM's. I also rang OM's house but there was no answer - don't know what made me do it. The cellphone was switched off midway through ringing and then when I tried it again it could not be connected.

I have not replied to any of her communication at all.

This morning I received two odd phonecalls. The first time the caller was silent but there was the noise of an airport in the background and footsteps walking. The second time was equally suspicious but a voice said "hello" and nothing else - I am over 90% certain that the second caller was OM as I have spoken to him once before.

This is really horrible and creepy frankly. I was careful to bar my number at all times before calling so I am just spooked.

I just don't know what to think but for days a voice in my mind has been saying "get out, you're better off without her".

[aliveandkicking]

I just don't know what to think but for days a voice in my mind has been saying "get out, you're better off without her".

33 years old, no kids, this may be worth considering. And, maybe when you are your fabulous self, someday she'll show up and want you (of course, you may not want her)...

Take care of YOU!

[Sara]

That little voice is called "sanity" and "self-preservation".

[Sara]

Block her emails and turn off your phone. There really isn't anything you need to say to her until the baby is born. At that point you can work out joint custody.

[GH31]

Hi Sara,

I wish there were a way to fix this but there simply isn't.

Hanging on would be painful, stupid, irresponsible and land me in a lunatic asylum. Letting go will be painful too - not just sadness over W but of my way of life, memories etc. And I have no idea what will become of this baby.

I cannot say that I respect my W and I definitely wouldn't trust her with anything. How can you honour someone who is pathologically and chronically dishonorable?

Whilst much more numb this time, I am in shock mode and have barely eaten in days. This time I am much better able to focus at work.

[Sara]

GH,

As I've gone through the reconciliation process myself and watched many others attempt it, I can, with certainty, say this.... there are a few obstacles that cannot be overcome, and insanity is high on that list. It is not your failure. It is an impossibility. I hope that she will find a way to care for a child. But her complete narcissism and self-centeredness do not lead me to believe that even her own child could distract her from herself.

[GH31]

Hi again Sara,

It's really very sobering to me to think of my wife as insane.

Here are some of the bizarre things my wife has done:

* W said "We're destined to be together GH31, that's what I feel deep in my gut" a day or two after she took herself and her belongings out of the apartment and moved in with OM.

* Putting pictures of her two nephews in the apartment a few days after leaving as she knows I am fond of them, and "to give you hope GH31".

* Blaming me for not chasing her hard enough to "win her back" - "at least OM begged for me to go back when I left him".

* W calls me from OM's saying she "misses me" and that she "needs to get back to reality".

* W said "It would be great if you could merge you and OM together".

* W kissed me passionately when we were playing pool, this whilst she was living with OM so she could "see how she felt about things".

* W went on a trip for a couple of days to Darwin when OM flew to Australia so she could "she how she felt about things".

* W routinely says things to me like "I always want you to be around GH31", "we have our own unique way about us GH31, which cannot be replaced", "I love your company GH31"

* OM (apparently) has an erectile dysfunction problem which I learned about recently and whenever W has wanted sex, which is nearly always passionate, she has said "come and do what you're good at GH31". On a few occasions I have felt like a mechanical pneumatic drill or in her words, that I am providing her with a "service".

* Whilst separated and W lived at OM's we had sex and she told me how I "know how to satisfy her". Ordinarily I would be thrilled to hear this from a woman but it makes my blood run cold to think of it now.

* Repeatedly whilst living with OM, W tells me she "doesn't believe in divorce".

* W deleted numbers and SMSs from a female work colleague to me, sent during the time we were apart. This woman is pretty but I have never been romantically interested in her. W said it was "inappropriate for her to be communicating with a married man" and that she should "butt out and stop hanging around like a bad smell". Unbelievable hypocrisy - but I had no issue with it out of respect for her feelings.

* W tells me that my penis "has a reserved tag on it", i.e. for her.

There are many more horrible things to add but I don't want to think of them now. I have made mistakes also and will summarize those on a later thread.