It's MY life now!!!........

[dl443322]

You are lucky that you have legal separation in your state. We don't.

I think dark right now is best. Let him think on it all.

[Silent Chrleader]

Well, I'm doing pretty good even if I do say so myself.

I had so much I wanted to do to ge ME together and it seemed to be overwhelming me, but this weekend I made a huge amount of progress! I got the house cleaned up (which was a huge chore from all the moving in and moving out with H, kids, etc....) Still a ton of remodeling stuff to do, but it's now tidy and clean and comfortable.

S18 and my brother went up to dream house with H this weekend. It was the first time S18 has spent time with H in months! I was amazed that H let my brother go too. I think that was S18's idea, but I was surprised H agreed.

H has also been in touch with my mom asking her to do some stuff for him like check out geting bedroom furniture for the dream house at Goodwill and such. It doesn't surprise me he is getting stuff for out there as he has talked about renting the place out....... but it's funny that he asks my mom for help. My mom does it because H has helped them with keeping my step-dad with job (he works for same company H works for). But, it's still funn that H would ask because he has expressed that much of his problems with our life together was my family, and yet I have been the one learning to set boundaries with them and he is spending weekends with them, etc.......Weird.

I did some grocery shopping today and this week I am getting back on track with my diet, and exercise, and sleep schedule, and meditation.......basically time to get healthy!!!!

I also have decided to stop all activity on dating. It was good for me to see that there are options, but I am not there right now emotionally and I gotta work on me.

Onward and upward!

[Silent Chrleader]

...I also have decided to stop all activity on dating. ....

Except for the drive-by visit I did on Virtually Handsome's profile! Love ya', Jeff!!!

[Virtually_Handsome]

At this range I don't think it counts!

[dl443322]

S, now you're talking. You sound much better and I am so glad! That is weird about your h and your family. But, you will hurt your brain trying to figure out an MLCer.
And really, it doesn't matter what he's doing, right? Because this is all about SC right now.

I am starting my get-healthy campaign today also. I need to get it together and work on losing more weight. If I could just get used to the damn CPAP.

Good going, my friend. I like the new attitude!

[Silent Chrleader]

.....At this range I don't think it counts!

It all counts, babe!!!

[glamgirl]

You sound better. Good for you, get with the healthy living. I too have been trying to eat real healthy and get to the gym. Not so easy.

Sorry I have missed your calls. We will connect one of these days.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, (((BM)))

Yes, it's all about me. I really get tired of the mood swings though. I don't know if it's PMS, or peri-menopause (Jeff, you are SOOOOO lucky you don't have to put up with this crap!)but I was so emotional today. After such a good weekend too! I was weepy and kept thinking about H all day while working. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I was having a dream about him when the alarm went off this morning.

S18 was here at the house when I got home (he had asked if he could meet a friend here and I said yes). I took him to look at a cheap used car, and then while driving in the car I was asking about how his weekend went with H......why do I do that!!??? I know that makes S18 feel put in the middle, and I just want him to see his mother strong!! He was really good about it, but I still called him back later and apologized if I made him uncomfortable. It's hard because H is so reserved with me and I know that he does sometimes talk with S18 more openly. Anyway, I just hate that just when I seem to be doing so well, I have a real bonehead day!

Then this evening, my brother came over.....drunk...... didn't like that but wasn't about to tell him to drive back home to my mom's house (20 minutes away) like that......so he's asleep in my spare room now. We did talk a little. He gets talkative when he drinks, and he started talking about H and stuff. He said that he thinks that, while H is not wanting to change his decision to leave, he at least realizes now that he really messed up and is sorry he hurt me and wants to "do right by me". Then he said that, even thought he treated me like sh*t, H really is a "good guy" underneath. That, of course, made me cry! So my big brother hugged me and we cried together. I really do love my brother, and I worry about him. He really sells himself short. But, I restated to him that he was welcome here any time, but not when he drinks because I don't have the ability detach emotionally when he is like that. He told me I didn't need to share my feelings then, and I told him that if he shows up at my door drunk, he is choosing to listen to how I feel about that!!

I'm sure hoping that tomorrow is better.....

I'll be busy the next few days with my deep water aerobics and C......and I'm trying to talk sandycay into going up to the dream house this weekend for some "girl time"..... she and I could both use it I think......

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, (((Glam)))

You're up late too! Yes, we will get it together eventually I'm sure! Hope you are doing OK. The karma seems to be off with a lot of people right now.....

[Silent Chrleader]

Well "tomorrow" wasn't exactly better. To sum it up, got e-mail from H about bankruptcy status. First communication in about a week. Told him my understanding which included filing for legal seperation (rather than divorce). One or the other is necessary for the bankruptcy. Anyway, H's reply was.....

As for the legal sep vs. divorce, I was OK with this in the past. Now I am not sure. I am thinking I want some closure to that part of my life. Lets finalize that issue when we see how the bankruptcy plays out.

I know this is no big surprise, and nothing has really changed, but I spent the rest of the day feeling pretty hopeless.

Had a couple more e-mails with him about "spousal maintenance" and how this all might work. Even though this is an 'explosive' issue, the communication went OK. I am optimistic that we will be able to come to an amicable agreement on everything.

I am setting him free......but it really really hurts.