H. emailed me today, looking to set up arragements to address the finances. He requested that we only talk by email "in order to give ourselves a chance to respond without so much emotion".
I am going to take a few days off from thinking about it all, as best as I can.I have so much to do with the move and closing out things here in D.C., so will really just focus on that for now.
I am glad you are taking off a few days to focus on you and what you need to do for YOU and YOU only. I see nothing wrong with sending your H an e-mail that says something like this:
Hi H, Yes, I agree that e-mail is a good solution so we can focus on the business side of things. When I am ready to address these matters with you I will contact you via e-mail. Regards, The Uber Fabulous Traveldane
Dont feel forced to work on HIS timeline, you only have to work on the timeline that is best for you. And there is nothing wrong with telling your H in a firm but kind manner that you need some time to catch up and when you are ready, you will address what needs to be addressed. This is the time to start setting firm boundaries for YOU. He might not like that but tough. Boundaries are for your benefit, not his.
I had a bit of a melt down today, realizing how much being forced to accept what H. has chosen is like having to accept what happened with our baby. Seems like it should have been more obvious, but I guess sometimes the truth needs to hit us over the head. We had 1 "regular" miscarriage before the traumatic one and I think I am tired of feeling blindsided in my life and having to swallow loss and keep grinning, pushing forward. Not trying to have a pitty party, just realized that maybe some of my fatigue and losing composure with H is beyond just the marriage loss.
IMO acceptance with a WAS is really one of the hardest things to come by. It will happen but it wont happen overnight. I still work on it and I have been in this situaton for 1.5 years! Being blindsided over and over again is a horrible feeling and I think it really slaps us with the reality of how often we dont have much control over certain things. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
But I do agree that when one thing hurts to the very core (a divorce) it really stirs up other events that hurt just as deeply. My dad died three years ago in a very sudden and tragic way and when I get sad about my divorce I often find myself getting sad about my dad. Its like deep hurt sort of molds together and takes over and the events are no longer separate.
I cant even imagine losing a child so I dont mean to sound insensitive and I am certainly not comparing it to losing a parent. I just mean I can relate to feeling horrible about one thing and it really stirring old hurts and making them very fresh again.
I will be thinking of you. Stay strong and focused.
