well i have had one other friend commit suicide before. I did establish a quick close bond with my BIL but I think mainly it is how I saw his family react and how my SIL reacted on that day. I was very much there and involved at the scene being questioned and being one of the main people to pick up the pieces in the place it happened. Moving my SIL out. Being there when she found the note (a few days later). A lot of it has to do with the surreality of the situation and my very analytical mind recreating what my SIL saw and how it all transpired. Then seeing how my W reacted of course I was affected even more. I showed unconditional love and took my SIL in without even thinking it could have consequences like this. Now i believe I was getting over it faster than them and then my W pulls this on me and I can't help but recreate everything again with this sitch. So now I am more affected than I probably should be. I will get through it I am sure but now I feel like I have to lose who I think is my soulmate just to be somewhat ok again. I've read about suicide and it affects families to an extent that very few tragedies can even touch. I might be better off actually if my W and I don't work this out. If we do well that means she worked through it and great. My counselor and another friend who was affected by a suicide says that if the affected ppl don't get counseling or the right kind of support their worlds crash in a very bad way. I suspect it is only a matter of time for them and I hate to say that.
Anyway, I will be ok. I have enough good things on my platter to not get through this..
