I sure wish I knew something to add that I haven't said before. I know....you didn't think I would ever run out...right? Well, I always seem to have something to say....but not necessarily something new and different.
It is so sad to know that I was one of the folks that tried to encourage you to hang with this R and try hard to change and work toward a better M..........and that is just what you did.......but you are still not seeing the results you deserve! It makes me want to pinch her head off. She reminds me of a woman I knew several years ago who kept after her H to do all these different things to make her happy. It was a diamond ring, and that wore off.....so then it was a house, and that wore off......so in short, nothing really made her happy b/c she did not like who "she" was and nobody can run away from themselves. Her H was as good of a person you could find and would have gotten her the moon if it had been within his power. The last I heard, they were living behind a fast food place and she had the kid running back and forth buying fast food all day long. She was so huge that she would not go anywhere. So what does that tell you? Right!
I know I have not heard your W's side of things, but from where I sit, you have done all that has been within your power to help bring happiness into the MR. However, if she continually refuses to assist in some of those "works", then what does she expect? What was it Puppy use to call it? The Princess thing? That is the picture I get about her. Does she think she is a Princess and Lan is her servant? Sorry, guess I'm not helping matters.
I see it as a personal issue within herself, Lan, and I don't think there is anything else you can do that you have not already tried. As you have said, she has to want to get help. What would happen if you "shut down"? What if she thought that you did not want to work in the M any longer? What if she wondered if she would actually have to be the one to get things ticking again? If you refused to treat her like the Princess she thinks she is and do a giant 180 and just shut it down......what would happen? Would she walk? What if.....instead of "shutting it down", you just shut "her" down and you were to get this mysterious busy life that did not include her? By shutting "her" down, I mean, of course in your attitude toward her. I am not suggesting that you walk away and leave your family. But I am wondering if she doesn't need a great awakening. So, what would she do, Lan, if she thought she was losing you???
Not trying to make things harder for you, sweetie. You know better than that. I am only scratching my head and trying to think of something and throwing thoughts out to the wind. Maybe that is dangerous, I don't know sometimes.
The thing is that I am still here with you.....okay??? I have not left you alone. Just wanted you to know that. Want you to take good care of yourself and try to enjoy life as best you can, even if it does not include her. That may be a decision she has to make about this MR. How much is she willing to put effort into it. Lan has been doing all the work, so it appears that it's time for a shake up. Again, I'm not suggesting you leave home or anything like that. As long as you feel that all of this is "worth it", then you need to stay where you are. I know that "she" is not the only person you are thinking about! Makes it very difficult, I know. You are a wonderful man and I have always thought you were. It is such a shame she can't see what a treasure she has.
I'll check back soon. Sorry I have not posted in a while. Kind of like you said, don't know what to say but about the same thing. You know you can always catch me on my thread if you need to talk to me.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
