Mermaid I am anxious one min and not the next. Yes I get stuck. I cant imagine ever loving another man the way I loved my husband. I cant imagine ever living with another man. I dont want to, I want my husband back! I get so wound up sometimes. Some days I think I can do this, I dont need a man, especially one that is like my xh is now. Then some days I pray so hard for GOD to give us another chance. I can tell you one thing, I dont want the man back that he is right now. I have grown so much. I am so much braver than I ever thought I was, my xh that used to be, would be so proud of me. It's so sad because he doesnt see how I've changed. I got to the point I would not go anywhere outside my comfort zone (which would be around town)by myself. I def. would not go on a vaction with friends or anywhere like that without my husband and/or son. I was so attached to him it was pathetic. Then when he would go on vacation with buddies I would think how lucky he was. I didnt want him to stay over 2 weeks and I missed him so much as did he me. BUT NOW, I would not mind if he stayed a month as long as he came home to me. It is so funny how we take things for granted. The little things we take for granted in our marriage that we never even realized. Oh, what I would give just to hear him coming through the door after work and yelling "I am home mom". I miss that so much. Sorry guys just going down memory lane. I know I am not suppose to dwell on my xh, but in order to move on I have to learn what I DID WRONG and part of that will include my xh. I wasnt a really a clingly wife, at least I thought I wasnt. I never complained about him fishing as much as he did. I enjoyed listening to him talk to the guys on the phone while I fixed supper. It made me happy for him to be happy. When he said he wanted different companionship, to me that was saying "hey I am bored and want to try something new". And he did, he gave up his family, took a chance on being happier. He is loving his new life, as far as I know. He is enjoying this new found love and romance, so much so that he spends every min. that he is not working with her. Sometimes I try to put myself in these MLCers shoes and try and think how exciting it would be to be young again and find new love, but that has to get old at same point, at some point it isnt new love anymore. Just like a new hobby that grows old. Even when going on a vacation, at first it is soooo exciting and new but after awhile you get to missing home and get homesick. I dont know that is just my opinion on it. Is it normal to, one day want someone in your life and the next you are thinking you dont ever want to be married again and can live content by yourself the rest of your life????? I am so confused, i am stuck between moving on with someone else, if I ever get that chance or just NOT, just living my life alone. I have always been one to look toward the future and plan things. I worry about tomorrow before tomorrow gets here. I know, that is not a good idea and I would love to change.
