I think it would be a good idea to take a few days off and try to get your mind off all of this sorrow. I have always felt that the two of you had continual and extremely horrible events to follow one by one until neither of you could have a chance to recover. I do believe you are grieving over the loss of your babies and now the loss of your M. You need to grieve, honey, and don't feel that you are having a pity-party! You need to do this and you deserve to do it. Yes, I said deserve. Do you know that I feel as if I know you b/c of the way you described your upbringing and by reading the things and how you expressed yourself? Oh, I don't mean I know your name or anything like that, but I feel that I know what kind of person you are. You have been raised to be a "strong" person, right? And....you have been very strong! But I think you expect way too much of yourself. It is okay to cry or do whatever you need to do to deal with your pain. I don't know how to say it, but I feel that I can identify with you as the person you are and know you feel like you have always had to be "the strong one". But, I'm telling you that trying to always show that strength will kill you. There is a time to be strong, but then there is a time in our lives that it is okay to be weak. I use that word "weak" but I actually mean to show your heartbreak. Don't feel that you have to constantly keep it in tack and not let it out.

I may be way off base and not have you figured out at all.....but I am going by that "gut" feeling again.

Like I told you before, you rest and get your peace of mind so you can think more clearly. You will come to the best decision for your life. You are the one to think about...NOW.......you have always thought of others, right? It is your time now and don't feel that you are being selfish b/c you aren't. You are a good person. Life can be so unfair and so painful. I wish I could hug you and show you how much I care about what you are going through. I pray for you and ask God's help and future blessings on you b/c you certainly deserve to be happy.

Take care and I hope you return soon to let us know how you are doing.

Sandi



It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!