Divorce looming #14

[K4D]

Well, I went to my counseling appointment. My counselor is a young guy earning his masters degree. I'm his first divorce case. Ok, fine. I will play along. He is going to see if he can help me. Yes I gave him a list of things primarily dealing with me and my own inabilities to be happy alone. Apparently they assign you a counselor and these are people who are supervised by real doctors. Interesting scenerio. But hey, the service is free. So why not give it a shot right? Lets see what the kid can do. So I guess I have appointments Monday nights.

So W has the kids for me while I am at the appointment. I get over to her place and she puts in a frozen pizza for me. Very hospitable of her. So we are talking about the events her family has lined up for her this week. Her mom obviously doesn't want me there for any of them. So I make the comment that ya, nobody in the family will stand up to her mom. She agrees. So I ask her, why don't you? Ooooh I am so gonna get 2x4'd for this. But I wanted to hear it for my own self. She said her mom and her are still arguing about a previous argument they had and she doesn't want another one on top of it. I said ok. So then I say, you know, I'm half tempted to show up Wednesday despite your mom. I knew this would get the truth out. So W says she doesn't want to deal with either of our crap and then looks at me and tells me she didn't invite me anyways. Ahhh. Finally the truth from her own lips. All this time for these events and she had been telling me her mom was fully behind it. And her mom is against me. But I just wanted to hear if W was also part of it or just playing her mom up on it. Ok. So now I definitely know from her own lips.

Oh well... so I get the kids and we head home. Yes, I know what you all are going to say. I already knew and shouldn't have pursued it. But I really wanted to hear it straight from her mouth.

Anyways, I was doing some research today and I ran across this. It is interesting. I need to finish reading it as I ran short on time earlier today. http://www.joebeam.com/intervention.htm
Intervening in the situation of self delusion.

I feel like I am just about at my wits end with this M. I don't know why she let it get dismissed. And I feel like I just want to tell her to snap out of this fantasy world she is living in and wake up and realize that she has a marriage and family that matters. But until she snaps out of this fantasy world, it just won't make a difference.

So who is Kevin? That wasn't answered tonite as we spent time mainly doing paper work. The C said we would start the real counseling next week.

For now, I am nobody. I'm a face in the crowd. I'm somebody to some and nobody to others. I have 2 daughters that argue constantly now. I have a mind that can't unwrap itself from my W. I have an apartment and an 11 year old camry with a dent in the bumper that is paid for and I have a job that I go to from 8:30 to 4:30. I have people that know me as Kevin. But Kevin himself is just here. Kevin's identity is a mystery. What is Kevin passionate about? Kevin used to be passionate about football and soccer as far as watching it goes. Maybe I could join a flag football team. That could be fun to do. Those are short seasons though. Then what do I do the rest of the year?

I see what you all are saying about poker not really doing anything for you because as soon as I come home I am stuck back in that same rut again. BTW, the poker was free to play. I don't be rent money and I am trying to save money which also limits things I do.

I guess I could buy a bike and start training for competitions or something. That could be fun. I used to like playing video games. I no longer do. Alot of my interests died inside me when all this D stuff started going down. I even started switching teams I watched and leagues I watched just so they were the same that me and W watched together.

That is a tough question to answer.

Kevin