Newbie - first post and ?s

[Faith2010]

It's been the longest and most emotional 12 days of my life. H and I spoke 12 days ago and agreed things were not working. We spoke about a separation. The next day I realized that was not what I wanted and after 2 days of crying told him I wanted to work on our marriage. He does not. Approx. 5 days ago I learned the girl he had been talking to online (for approx. 3 months) he is now talking to on the phone. Completely devastated me.

Backtrack for a minute...In April, while driving to Chicago, got on the laptop to check Facebook. H's computer and it automatically logged onto his account. He was IMing with this girl. Called him...he lied...confronted him later that night. H says sorry, won't happen again. Find out still e-mailing same girl. H takes girl off his 'friends' list and says it's done. Continue to find e-mails until he changes password so I can no longer get on his account.

Fast forward to present. H now talks with her on the phone. Actually went and changed phone companies yesterday so he can talk to her for free. H says they are just 'friends'. She is also having problems in her marriage. Up until Sunday morning, I was doing everything wrong. I blamed him, interrogated him, yelled at him...the whole 9 yards. My sister told me to get on here, helped her 6 years ago with almost the exact same situation. I read a lot and Sunday morning when he came home, I was calm, did not blame, did not yell. I told him I had hope and wanted our marriage to work. He still wants a separation. H says we've tried it too many times in the past, never works. H just wants to be happy and wants me to be happy and says this is not fair to either of us. H says I am his "best friend".

I understand I have to take it one day at a time. Knowing H wants out and there is someone else tears my heart out. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I am doing my best to be supportive to him but I have no idea how long I will be able to hang in there.

I have read excerpts from the book on here but not the book yet as I have it on order from the library. Supposed to be in tomorrow.

Something I am really confused about and have no idea if I am doing the right thing...Our sex life has been non-existent for a while (maybe 10 months). 3 nights after all this began, H wakes me up in the middle of the night to have sex. It's also occurred a few more times. I've asked why he wants to and get answers such as "cause we've always had good sex" or "it's fun". I am thinking it is a positive thing but I honestly don't know. Any advice please?