Thanks Thinker. He never addressed it directly but so often told me he felt like I was just with him because we have kids and I was happier without him around (which in all honesty I did say to him during some fights.)
So, how does that serve me now?
As I mull around in my mind whether we should be spending family time and hanging out so much, these realizations make me think yes, at least for the time being. I just hate feeling like he is getting away with something. Maybe I underestimate that pain associated with our disconnect. Yesterday when we were playing and flirting and honed in on each other, I felt some of what had been lost.
So, if this marriage is worth everything I say it is, maybe I participate in creating some new memories as a family. I can always pull back if it is not working past a certain point.
I feel that I am all over the place though. I really don't have Smiley's principle down as much as I thought I did. I have either he's a motherf*cker and I want nothing to do with him OR I have to find a way...I haven't mastered the middle. Granted, I grasp the concept, it was just easier to wrap my brain around while H was out of town.
