WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Well, I see a lot of post about me suggesting that you go dark.

Some said I told you to go dark and some don't know. I was trying to explain to you what going dark was! You were the one that did not understand the difference between going dark, dropping the rope, and being detached meant. So, I see how I need to work on my writing skills.

Sandi,

I don't think it has anything to do with your writing skills, I think it's more that you are dealing with DAM.

I'm actually seeing how I've shifted from the DARK to the friendly approach (without taking the relationship blame/venting), my wife seems a little more at ease wtih me (although that has really only happened the past week so it's hard to say for sure).

I told her the news today and she was leveled. She wound up rushing home to see if I was Ok (I only have a cell phone and I had to leave that at work). I wasn't home yet as I was wrapping up some expense reports before I left. She called me to ask if I was Ok and wanted to know when I would get home.

I got home about 30 minutes later and the first things she said was that this does not change anything about our situation. I told her I don't expect it to, but do appreciate her being caring. She said that she cares as I am the father of the kids (a little cold, but I didn't make a big deal about it). She said that we should go get me a cell phone. Ordinarily, I would have just told her that I can get one myself, but I let her help me (basically we went to the store together).

We wound up having lunch together and on the way home, she put in all the contact numbers that she thought I would need into the new phone. I thanked her and told her that I did have to get going to go to a therapy appointment. She asked if I had called for it today, I told her no, I was continuing it weekly even though she had stopped going right before she moved out.

After the therapy appointment, I got a call from my mom. Turned out my wife called my mom. Then I got a call from a few close friends that had heard from my wife. First I was a little annoyed that my wife was telling so many folks, but these were people that I would have told anyway. I think part of what my wife was worried about that this would push me into a depression. She also knows that ordinarily I don't talk about my issues and keep them inside.

I had actually talked to my wife about it as I told her that if this had happened a few years ago, I think I would have been much more devastated as in the past I had put my job before everything. What I've learned is that a job is just a job, it is not as important as the people in our lives. I told her that I am glad that I've learned that lesson, but the price of that lesson has been very high.

She did start talking about how it's good to see/hear that I've learned and am learning.

She did wind up calling me a few times through out the afternoon/evening to see how I was doing and just to chat. I did tell the boys I had lost my job. My 3 year old didn't understand but my 7 year old started to cry saying that now we are going to lose the house even sooner. I told him that I will find another job and we will find a house together. No matter what house we are in, we will be a family and be together.

It sucks, but I truly feel that this is very minor compared to what happened with my wife's bomb in January. I will find another job, just a matter of how long it will take.

I will be strong to survive and thrive.....