Hi Stuck. Thank you for suck sweet words you gave me! You always were a "charmer"!
I hate to hear about her taking off the wedding rings. Not sure what that may mean, but my suggestion is not to say anything at all. Don't hint, ask questions, or even "look" at her fingers. My first thoughts are that she is working something out in her own mind and if you can stay relaxed and not comment on the fact she's not wearing her rings, then hopefully she will put them back on without a word being said. But if you "do" say something, I feel that nothing good would come in the end.
I know that I have told you at least a hundred times to give this stitch more time than you ever thought would take for her to reach a good place.......but I still have to keep going back to saying it b/c I know that is what it took for "me".
Your fears of her having another A is understandable. However, anybody could think that about their spouse at anytime, right? We can't live life like that! It goes back to the forgiveness. I think if you can findly reach that stage of 100% forgiveness, that you may be able to feel that you can trust her and you can "rest" in that trust. As somebody said, "fear" is not attractive at all. Fear in a person comes shining through a dark room and makes people turn and walk away from you instead of causing them to turn toward you. Strange, isn't it?
The longer I am on this board and read what LBH's say.....the more I have to admire my own H. I can't imagine how hard it must have been on him to forgive me and especially to ever be able to actually "trust" me again. As I've said before, he proved that trust and I don't want to distroy it ever again.
I don't worry about having another EA. If things were to get as bad as they were before and I was in the "shape" I was before.....who knows? But, I don't worry about it and I feel strong and confident that we will be fine. However, I know that my grandmother was so right when she said (after more than 60 years of M) that you never reach a place that you can stop working at having a good M.
Stuck, I have come to think so much of you and it hurts to see you in so much pain. I know you are dealing with all sorts of emotions going on in your brain. If I did not believe that you had what it took to be who you need to be in this thing.....there is no way under the sun that I would have spent this much time writing these long posts (lol). But you are worth it! This M is certainly worth it and I do believe that there is such a great and wonderful chance of seeing a happy end of this bad time in your life.
Keep posting and reading.....and I'll still be around to nag you.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
