Been reading 'The Manipulative Man', my H seems to fall into two main categories, the 'Workaholic' and the 'Passive Agressive'. Now I can see clearly how our dynamic worked.
He was workaholic. I asked him to participate in family life. He replied yes or well, I'll see how work schedule is but he never shows up. I want to talk about it, he avoids the confrontations. This pattern repeats itself so I nag, he sees that as me being a terrible person and an annoyance to him and not approving his work. He doesn't see that he contributed to the dynamic.
Unfortunately even with one year's counselling he is still very much both these things. He is still passive agressive, won't discuss things but withholds and uses it to control my behavior. However, because I see this now, I no longer nag. I am going to bust my as* to break this pattern.
Nor will I criticize, another thing I need to watch out for according to the book.
So here I am, I can't move forward because he won't discuss the details of our separation/D because it would involved 'ugly' convos. If I press, then I am repeated pattern above. So I guess I just need to wait it out so he can come to the table and give me what I need e.g. financial side, etc.
Am still in limbo. Just wanted to get this over and done with.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
