Where to start?

[dmkdmkdmk]

Thanks for the hugs! :-)

I'm looking at my calendar right now and I have a counseling appointment scheduled for next Wednesday - I'm wondering if I should go aheand and schedule one for the following week since H will be out of town for almost a month for his National Guard annual training in July. After that, baby is on her way...

I know the counseling is what he's waiting for to start any real "work". He's still exhausted from his schedule and now from his friend's sudden death. And I've removed any pressure to do anything except show up to counseling next week (and pay his bills).

I am just going to continue to detach... I'm trying to detach lovingly, but most of the time I look at it as severing a diseased limb... Maybe because I know I'm doing what *I* need to get myself healthy but I don't know where H is at... And until I know whether we're on the same page I don't feel like I can really trust him.

So, I'm just going to continue becoming more like the person he fell in love with - but not for him, for me (I think I miss that girl more than he does!).

Going to continue not calling him, not instigating anything, not talking about the R until he brings it up or we go to counseling. And keeping my hands busy, making the house our (my DDs & I) home one room at a time. I have a stack of books that I picked up from the library today (Mars/Venus, His Needs Her Needs, Love Busters, and one by Judge Judy that was in the same section because she is awesome).

The thing that seems to be working for me is to live my life as if he is not a part of it - because when I do, I miss him too much. I miss the person he had been for the past nine years and not the pod person he has been for the past 2 1/2 months.