So, a big fire burnt down every tree on our mountain today. It wasnt a thick forrest or anything but it was green and I took walks with the kids up there in the afternoons. Unfortunately it is all gone now. The flames from my veranda were pretty scary, huge and deep red/orange and "hungry". Airplanes, helicopters, firetracks all afternoon tried to control it but it was windy and it didnt stop until after there was nothing there left to burn. Hopefully tonight we wont have a surprise. This was like 800 meters from my house...
Not much to report about my M. H comes and goes as he used to. Last night while falling asleep I talked to him. At first he thought I was talking in my sleep I think. When I got serious he listened. Right now it bothers me to set this example of "new model of a family" for my kids where dad comes during weekends and mom is a single parent, married.
Anyway, a lot of things were said, among them that I had started "dating" and having feelings for someone when he said he wanted back. I had to ask him to share his thoughts we me. He is not sure he loves me more than with the basic love parents (to the same kids, lol) should share. Of course that explains his behavior. He said he feels really bad about the sitch and the a mess (chaos was the word he used) we are in. Still no suggestions. He said his "dream" is to have a calm R with someone and have a good time together. How to do that? He has no clue.
We attended a party for my son together and acted as family. Weird things. I think we are both slowly cutting all threads left binding us together and we do that not staying away from each other but staying together, in a way, just confirming the original thought of divorce is -now- right.
I am pretty calm. Of course sad, but very very calm. xxx K
