What CityGirl said . To re-emphasize one of her many good points...
Instead of addressing your d's behavior in the car, or asking them about their take on the evening or the games played, OR about school OR about planning something for them in any way.....you were in your own world again, NOT availble to them again.
Instead it was all about you and your needs and expectations and obsessing MORE about your W AGAIN and you wasted precious fathering time. The obsessing was crazy since the expectations were so out of line with reality...what were you thinking Kevin? Why on earth would you think A SINGLE pleasant evening together, means you are a step away from reconciling?) You expected a HUG from her? Why? You are divorcing! Isn't it enough that she can be in a room with you? Do you recall only some weeks ago, she could not be in the same house with you? She told you that you repulsed her and she "hated" you....so dear God, BACK OFF with the out of line expectations...honestly I don't know where you are getting those hopes from....your needs are blinding you to how impatient you are and it is SO NOT LOVING...(that's right, NOT LOVING OF YOU)
Do you really think A "DATE" (IF you had one) would FIX this?
That she'll slap her forehead and say "What was I thinking? Now that you are so strong and disciplined, AND DIFFERENT, I want back in and let's move in together and have more kids and ALL will be well and and and..." wake up Kevin...Wake up. You are not different yet!That's what the c is for, so, use it wisely. Please.
You have been acting like a bucket of need, with a hole in the bucket. No one could possibly fill all your needs nor should they, but you wanted that from your w. And for awhile, you got it. Then she tired of not having a real partner... so Stop being burdensome and needy. Not in front of her at least. Please realize it NEVER worked! It did the opposite.
Kevin, tell us how to get thru to you...WE NEED TO KNOW. And ask the c how long it will take YOU to change yourself if you try hard to do so? That's the only timeline you should consider. (Instead of the polls you take on other threads about how long affairs last. Kev, your wife is not having AN AFFAIR...she is dating more than one OM and she is living the life of a single woman and has made it very clear that she intends to continue that. From her standpoint, you are lucky that she "lets" you have the kids so much and from her financial standpoint, she knows if the divorce is finalized she MAY have to pay you more (b/c the law requires her to, unless you insist on not taking any support, which is a bad idea on your end. Getting child support b/c she earns more than you, may not seem attractive to you and we all know you think it'll make a diff in how she views you. But I'm arguing that 1) she may see you as a guy who stands up for himself and isn't a doormat AND plans for his d's future, but BESIDES THAT-- for a guy who can't afford any nice things or activities for his kids, OR C for himself, you are letting false pride get in the way. If you really don't need the money, (which you do) then save it for the girl's education which they will appreciate someday. Would you rather your w spend that money on a vacation with OM? She's not thinking to herself, "what a great guy Kevin is for not taking any money from me for the girls...I sure am attracted to him for that..."
Truth is, divorcing you will cost her money.So while I am not SUREwhy she didn't finalize the divorce... I'm guessing that if she wanted to reconcile with you, she would not be dating OM and telling you about it...
Let the c get thru to you Kev. Please. Good luck, we'll all be praying for you.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
