Well I hear you on that. I think taking any actions with the underlying belief that you can "control" your wayward's thoughts, perceptions, or actions is undermining yourself and the real reasons for the changes you make.
You do GAL/LRT for yourself. When you focus on those things you just do them... the 'as if' stuff gets you started, but ultimately once you really get to a point where you are really GAL/LRT your wayward won't think it is fake anymore.
Long-term you need to do those things anyway... and really the only way to make good decisions during an active affair is through healthy detachment emotionally.
Not all situations are alike, although we do find enough common threads to assume that we can follow all the DB advice to the letter. In my situation that would have been disastrous so I think it is important everyone understand there are pros/cons to any specific approach.
Exposure has its pros/cons primarily related to how it is executed. Little Bo Peep has its pros/cons primarily related to how it is executed.
In either case, even a perfect execution may not have the desired result if it isn't the right decision. Sometimes neither decision will make a difference because your wayward is too far gone.
I think it is intellectually deceitful to act as if exposure = shame, judgment, fire & brimstone, and other emotionally loaded arguments and that it won't always work. I also think MWD's approach isn't perfect either and won't always work.
Regardless of what approach you use: 1. You need to have respect for yourself 2. You need to have respect for your wayward
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
