GETTING UN'STUCK'

[25yearsmlc]

Have not seen ONE marriage reconciled, meaningfully, by exposing. Yes it can end the A, or make them do the "us against them" thing too. But no one is attracted to a "shame maker", if they're healthy. Think about it.

But Stuck you are insightful and on the right track. Good grief though - enough about the EAs....I'd SEE a diff if my h had one though I would be hurt and feel threatened but half the R's on THIS SITE would be EA's by some definitions, even if they end up helping the M.s...gotta go make a living too though.

If it weren't for my R's with a few of the men here, I might have lost faith in you guys in general...know what I mean? And I did have a crush on a coworker about 15 years ago, and I worked it out. I went to a c, and a minister. I was SO attracted to this guy (he looked like Kevin Costner) AND H was ignoring me at home due to his residency and crazy hours...

so per my minister's suggestions, I started doing theater and getting "Safe" male attention playing passionate roles and channeling those feelings THERE....(hey, whatever works. And now OUR children are actors...for real...)

And no, "OM" and I never got physical and heck no I did not tell h (until about 4 years later and not all of it either. Why hurt h?) BUT If we had been "exposed"...I cannot see how that would have helped the M AT ALL.

I'd have been pissed that h punished me and judged, and besides, I WAS WORKING IT OUT ON MY OWN thank you very much....anyhow, must go to the job and at least fake work now.

Stay on track, you may be getting somewhere!!

j-

PS Stuck, don't think that I'm not getting how hard the forgiveness thing is. H left us for a JOB...all of us. And forgiveness was not modelled in my childhood so it has been a huge effort for me. I have a DB session this afternoon to prepare for h coming home b/c I know there will be major rough spots and "adjustments" for h and d's so...I do understand it ain't easy. But it can be done. I'm proof of that part of this. (( j ))