What a great job venting! I like how you get it all out there.. this is going to sound very wrong.. but you know me.. well.. I'm just going with this image and hope it's not too offensive.
It reminds me of when I'm really sick and vomit. Sometimes it's bile, sometimes it's err.. chunky. For some reason, I try and identify them. Then I flush the toilet, rinse my mouth, clean and wash my hands, feeling much better.
What are the.. nuggets... that came out? Simple statements on both sides.
Piecing is not pointing fingers.. I'm guessing it's finding out how it works starting over.
Where are you in this post, this picture? The Heart that shined forth.. all the strides you've made? Is what you two are doing working? Counseling doesn't have to be marriage, it can be couples. Perhaps seeing a professional on how to lay the framework of reconciliation would be helpful. Looking from the outside in.. as an individual you've developed tremendously, as a 'couple' it's still a raw wound.
People say that piecing is by far more difficult than anything. Why not have a professional with the right tools to help. After all, you'd go to see a doctor to care for a broken bone.
I empathize with the pain in your heart, with the 'how can he be such an idiot' frustration. You got to the good place in your life by setting up boundaries that helped you heal. Do what works.
Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't trust him, what do you do? It's like counting to 3 with a child.. "If you don't do X by the count of 3... 1... 2.... 2 1/2.. 2 3/4.. 2 7/8.. 2 8/9.." and never making it to 3.
Go back to square one. What do you reasonably do if he can't commit to the deal breaker? What would your reaction be to a friend, boyfriend doing that? What do you need to move forward. No emotion, no spraying can of whoop ass.. what is your course of action when your expectations aren't met.
It takes two. Take accountability for your actions. Look for his. After all, actions speak louder than words.
