I tend to recommend whichever style would represent a "180" from the prior marital (pre-affair) style. If the LBS was particularly controlling*, domineering, etc., then I would recommend a more empathetic approach. If the LBS was particularly passive, pleasing, "Mr. Nice Guy" before, I recommending taking a stronger stand.
*I asterisk this to emphasize that most wayward spouses accuse a LBS of being "controlling" once their waywardness begins, and it usually is revisionist history and just means "You're not giving me space in which to conduct my affair, unencumbered." So I try to dig a little to look for the GENUINE, PRE-AFFAIR marital and communication style of the LBS.
