I think it really depends on the situation. In my own situation, W went to the in-laws complaining of abuse that never occurred in order to justify why she was choosing to end the M. I had to weigh loving exposure on one hand, wanting to end the A - and on the other hand the strategic advantage in the D of removing the unwavering support W was attempting to build among her support system.
In some situations (without children especially) I can see the "Little Bo Peep" approach being preferred... especially if the BS works on themselves properly and is able to detach.
In other situations, I can see the light of exposure being necessary - especially when the A has become ruinous of a family's finances and the lives of children of the M.
In either case - it will ultimately be the behavior of the BS post-A that determines whether the M has a chance. The WS has to agree on certain ground rules, and commit to transparency, etc. - but the BS should also commit to these same rules out of fairness.
So... you have some pros and cons to consider.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
