Wow, honestly, on the contrary. I think I feel used when I pretend to like someone who is acting like an a**hole and I am constantly striving to see the good in him and be non-judgmental. However, when I do pull it off, I tend to get a lot better of him.
I woke up this morning wanting to send him an email that says "Honestly, I am still heartbroken about what is happening to us and our family. Not about the past but the present and the future."
It is so hard to make plans for Father's Day etc and just be pleasant and glib when it matters so much to me.
I read somewhere on this board (sorry, can't recall exactly where) about how learning what not to do is not the same as learning what to right. I see that in my sitch. My H. felt horribly abandoned and hurt when his mother left their family when things got tough, started her own life, "starting acting like a teenager" in his words, and behaved very selfishly. Yet, here he is, walking away from me and the loss we had together and saying things like "I just need to think about my own feelings, what I need right now". I guess without a frame of reference for what to do right, people revert to what they know, even if it is behavior they themselves found very hurtful.
so disappointing.
Last edited by traveldane; 06/15/0902:01 PM.
Me 30 H 33 together:10 years married:5 years Separated: 1/23/09 living apart 5 mos and counting "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"-FDR
fanning the flames of their insecurity by putting so much stock in BS Lalaland fabulosity
That's a whole other support board (cue: rueful LOL). We'll have to talk that one out over coffee. I worry about it in lots of ways, especially with S's 10th coming up.
Ya, it is bad enough living in Lalaland, least we could do is not get swallowed up in the beast.
I saw something on your thread about W blaming the war and on Thinker's thread (W recognizing her father's death's impact) that made me think. H's references to not knowing how things got so complicated really strikes me as a sort of lightening up of things being all my fault and acknowledging that circumstances had a lot to do with our M demise...
So stop pretending and be the best Aliveandkicking you can.
BE + DO = HAVE
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach I posted some stuff from the weekend and would love some input. I am sure there are things I left out and if prodded could get them in there, too--stuff that might actually be pertinent.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I read somewhere on this board (sorry, can't recall exactly where) about how learning what not to do is not the same as learning what to right. I see that in my sitch. My H. felt horribly abandoned and hurt when his mother left their family when things got tough, started her own life, "starting acting like a teenager" in his words, and behaved very selfishly. Yet, here he is, walking away from me and the loss we had together and saying things like "I just need to think about my own feelings, what I need right now". I guess without a frame of reference for what to do right, people revert to what they know, even if it is behavior they themselves found very hurtful.
so disappointing.
Yes, it is a cycle and each person has to find a way to heal their wounds...sometimes reliving it is the means for that. I just have to remember that everyone has their sh*t. My kids included. I just wish I knew less and was less conscious of what they are going through (for my own sanity).
I think I'm trying to put the Do before the Be...I need to work more on myself. I am fiercely protective of my children. Hurting them is a quick way to get on my not so great side. But, he is their dad and I can't control him, nor can I dictate what is good or bad for them, it is just so hard to see them hurt and confused.
I want my decisions and actions to be clear and reasonable. Not controlling or loaded. It is a hard line when I'm the mama bear.
H's references to not knowing how things got so complicated really strikes me as a sort of lightening up of things being all my fault and acknowledging that circumstances had a lot to do with our M demise...