I read somewhere on this board (sorry, can't recall exactly where) about how learning what not to do is not the same as learning what to right. I see that in my sitch. My H. felt horribly abandoned and hurt when his mother left their family when things got tough, started her own life, "starting acting like a teenager" in his words, and behaved very selfishly. Yet, here he is, walking away from me and the loss we had together and saying things like "I just need to think about my own feelings, what I need right now". I guess without a frame of reference for what to do right, people revert to what they know, even if it is behavior they themselves found very hurtful.
so disappointing.
Yes, it is a cycle and each person has to find a way to heal their wounds...sometimes reliving it is the means for that. I just have to remember that everyone has their sh*t. My kids included. I just wish I knew less and was less conscious of what they are going through (for my own sanity).
