Ok....Its Monday and today I am just going to concentrate on gettng thru some work reading. I need to start doing that and I need small goals. Its so easy right now to just do nothing. It is amazing to me how much time can be wasted doing nothing! Sigh.
There is nothing new to say. I have nothing new really going on. I am still just trying to adjust to this new environment and get organized. And I did not use the weekend to accomplish anything. Still fighting the cloud of doom that seems to have taken root over my head these past few days. Just not very sure how to deal with this new....This is not going to get better...feeling that I am consumed with. It is a difficult journey and every morning I fight it. Its as if I am afraid to go on that journey........bc I don't know where that will take me and what if it takes me to a place where I don't want H anymore.
It would almost be easier to just leave the M. He is definately making it the easier option. He has initiated a couple of contacts...in this past 6 weeks! That is nothing....I have no idea where his mind is at......and I have no news of his supposed visit which was supposed to take place either this week or next week.
He cannot seem to get past making plans for one day! I do not think I will be seeing him anytime soon. I am so emotionally depleted.........I'm not doing anything and I am emotionally depleted. How can this be?
Well, I need a cup of coffee and I need to start studying. No lofty goals for today. I will be so happy to accomplish just that.
I can't seem to turn off the tv! I'm not really interested or watching it even, but somehow I just want it on....sigh.
I really can't wait until this week is over. Next week I have 2 days that I have to go in to work and I will have some evaluation exams and it will keep me somewhat busy. The week after I will start work.
I am hoping that I find some strength this week to be productive and to behave in a way that makes me proud of myself.
