No offense, but there's a stubborn need to be right here, or something going on here that is off point. I don't get it. I know it's close to home for you and I'm sorry if it hit a chord. I really am. But isn't it possible that you could be overstating something here? Or not be right about this? Would it be so terrible to not be correct and to have to try something different? I'm a bit flummoxed. How can you argue that shaming a spouse is EVER a good thing? "If handled correctly"??? What??
You may be making a very different point, but I'm quoting YOUR WORDS in response to mine in my first post on this topic. In reply to my stating that "shaming a spouse into coming home won't lead to true marital restoration in the long run..." you chose to chime in and say "If handled correctly it can be an effective tool..." so I'm left wondering, "shame -- as a tool"... for what?
25,
I will start a new thread about this, so as not to further hijack EO's thread, but for now, I will say this:
You're misquoting me. Go back and read what I posted:
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Exposure, done correctly, should never be about shame or condemnation. It should be a loving but firm gesture, that says "I love myself too much to allow this to continue, and I love YOU too much to let you continue in this without a fight."
Done properly, it is basically a marital intervention, and it can be quite effective. It can, however, then make the "repair" work that much more difficult.
I was SPECIFICALLY trying to make the point that shame should NOT be used ("never", in fact), and tried to briefly point out that one shouldn't lump "shame" and "condemnation" with the tactic of "exposure," which has a legitimate place in the affair-busting toolkit.
I don't see where I'm the one being stubborn or showing a "need to be right," as I'm not the one posting 500-word, bold and colored font rants about it. It would seem to be your nerve which was struck, not mine.
Again, go by and read the thread. I'm not even the one who interjected it into the discussion.
