WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[sandi2]

Well, I see a lot of post about me suggesting that you go dark.

Some said I told you to go dark and some don't know. I was trying to explain to you what going dark was! You were the one that did not understand the difference between going dark, dropping the rope, and being detached meant. So, I see how I need to work on my writing skills.

It has to be up to the individual as to which route to take, but I have maintained that when you are co-parenting, it is almost impossible to go "dark"......and then some poster started with this mess of dim/dark and it just confused the heck out of people on the board. Guess it is my pet peeve but that is the way I see it. I don't remember ever actually coming out and telling a poster to go dark when he/she was having to co-parent. I have told them to drop the rope, but that is a totally different concept.

As being newly separated, you were not dealing with it at all well and was soooo hung up on what "dark" meant and the difference in that from dropping the rope. I was merely trying to explain the difference.

If she starts attacking/blaming stuff from the past, that's where I should draw my boundary and can say "I've appologized for those in the past and I've am drawing what I've learned from them to work on me" (or is that too much). Or should I just cut it off to "I've already appologized for those in the past.". Or do I add some validation "I can see how you've felt hurt by those things in the past and I've already applogized for that" Or "????"

If you say that last sentence then you are opening a door for a R talk from her. Don't say anything about apologizing in the past from now on. Just don't say anything....period. Tell her good-bye and hang up. It is past time for her to get the message that you are not going down that lane again. Stop it!!