Trying to catch up on your post. Thanks for what you said on mine.
Seems we are relatively in the same place. A few thoughts...
I took things very slow in the beginning. Agree that being apart helps in some ways but not in others. But it allows time to reflect on experience and figure out what work etc. Also allows time to take next planned step.
I would advise that while R issues do need attention - since that is what got us here - I have found that focusing on rebuilding the R first is important. Think about it - when you first date someone, do you start talking about serious issues? or do you just talk and have fun?
Timing to bring up issues will reveal itself when the R begins to grow again. In my experience, R talking always ended poorly. Even now, things get tense, so we are learning to back off. Two things will happen - either it goes away naturally as R changes, or it comes up for discussion again. Avoid taking things personally and stick to the issue in front of you for now.
I am finding out that part of the problem H and I have is that we both try to fix everything for the other instead of taking self responsibility and staying out of the other's way. Make sense?
