GETTING UN'STUCK'

[MrBond]

25mlc,

Thank you so much for finding my thread. Your words on kevin's thread and others have been invaluable in giving me a raw look as to what to do in my own sitch.

For the 180s, I do see how you feel they can be emotionally empowering. It's just that those emotional batteries need to be re-charged every now and then. For me, this place is what gives me my Energizers!

I definitely agree with you about the shame part. I think it's only natural when we first find out about an A that we shame our partners because we feel betrayed. I think in one of my R talks with my W, I told her that she could never understand what I'm going through in dealing with her A. Like many others, I do get flashbacks or post traumatic stress episodes when something is similar to our sitch.

I admit that I still have the lingering jealousy and anger that came from it, but I try not to let it show to her and I pray alot to God for him to forgive me for my feelings and to help me get rid of them because I do not want to let anger run my life. Alot of the reading I've done has helped too. I'll definitely check out Blue Like Jazz like you suggested.

Your analogy of treating my W as a co-worker I found attractive was perfect! I've been having the hardest time to figure out what was appropriate to do and just lacked the frame of reference. I think that would work just nicely so I'm going to try it out.

It matches with my strategy of treating her with compassion by seeing things from her POV when we interact, yet staying emotionally detached so that I'm not affected by her actions. I can give without expecting anything in return. That's what true unconditional love is anyway. All this while GAL.

I think I have been projecting an anxiousness towards her. I've also got to calm that down so that she doesn't feel pressure. We'll see how that goes.

Thanks for the compliment about the writing. Weird but I always thought you were the most articulate one on everyone's posts. With what you went through you are a real inspiration for the rest of us.

I can't wait till my D is busted so that I can follow in your footsteps.