I gave in, just a little. My W text me on the 4th and I have just been having a hard time dealing with her not actually calling. I'm sure she talks to other people whether it is family, friends or whomever but lately she just sends me text messages. This I feel, should have been a boundary I set early on. She should at least have the decency to call, she has at times but for the most part she sends text. These text are still about nothing just small talk. I am theoretically legally still her H and she contacts me through text messages. We have a decade on the books, and that is our line of communication? I have done all the GALing I can do. I have done all the no conflict I can do. I am not saying that as an END GAME to my M or my efforts but I have come to a point where I am more able to accept this season in my life b/c I feel that whatever follows I will be okay. I feel more comfortable b/c I realize that although I share a part in our sitch that ultimately this is a personal battle for her that she will have to live with for better or worse; no pun intended. It has slowed me down at times but I keep moving and my PMA is in a good place. The only thing I have not seen through completely is to completely detach like I did in the beginning. I did not respond to her at all for like a month at one point. It has been put forth that I should not ignore b/c of how she may convince herself/perceive so I have responded only when she reaches out and I have given her the space she so desired to FIND HERSELF. I have to do this please bare w/ me, this is word for word.
June 4th W: how is your father doing? Me: Ok, he is still fighting for his life W: How are you kiddo? Me: Other than being hungry and sleep deprived, I'm good W: I'm sorry. Hopefully u can get something to eat and get some rest W: Have you watched any of the games? Me: Not really. I may try to catch some now since it's the final two teams W: I'm ugly now (she just had something surgically removed from her face. I guess there is a scar now) Me: Well you and I both know you will never be ugly; at least not visually Me: How has your father been doing? (he has been very sick over the past 2-3 years) W: Sick. Doctors got his sugar under control W: Thanks…still seems a little silly…but thanks none the less (I mailed some of her mail again to her father's house where she resides) Me: There r a lot of things that r silly. U need a list; I got one. Open ur eyes I'm never partly cloudy (I guess I gave her some ammo) W: LOl. You're never partly cloudy!! Personally, I don't think you should use the word NEVER. Take a minute to reflect. Smart mouths don't get very far. All I was trying to say is... If u were to call me to get my mail, I would come and get it. The last few times we've talked things have been cool... don't jack it up because you want to get smart or be cocky as usual. Cocky is what got you in trouble in the first place.
How is this cool in her eyes that we have sat down and talked 3-4 times in 11 months? We don't shake hands, hug or sit close to each other. There is NOTHING. I wanted to respond to that so bad but I probably would have said something really negative which is actually not me so I just let it go. I can offer a full serving when I want though. I think that's what she needs. I'm still being Mr. Nice guy with years of my life hanging in the balance. It would have been bad b/c I just can't deal w/ her demeanor and arrogance any longer with what she is doing to our lives. What the hell is she talking about any way? I know her and I don't have a clue. I'm sure her mind is not that far gone that she would dissolve 11 years b/c I was cocky. I don't know where that has come from either but she has repeated that a few times in the past 2 months. Where is this going? Where has she gone?
