nicole - that was a very honest conversation you and H had, IMO. How I wish I was at that point in my sitch.
I think it was great H could share more about how he's feeling, and you were supportive and encouraging. Now I think you give him some space to process... of course you want him to come home, and it's hard to be patient. But you know you need to be super patient with him now... he's clear on what you want, and where you are emotionally. Now give him the time and space to process and think about how to proceed. Remember that you can't control him or his timeline. It's up to him. And really you wouldn't want him back before he's sure he's ready anyway, right?
So, keep taking care of yourself - plan some independent fun stuff this wk because you deserve it, and it'll help keep your mind off of what H is thinking & doing.
Time to settle down, you were doing so great this weekend,and then you continue to jump the gun and remind him of why he left. The constant pressure.
He will come at you again to satisfy his need. You will have to physically restrain him, and tell him to leave. That you will not be some booty call girl, Time to get his act together before he gets the benefits. This should be your attitude.
You can do this, you did it this weekend, until you totally come off the rails.
Remember, everytime you backslide, you add more time to the recovery period, think of it that way.
Time to settle down, you were doing so great this weekend,and then you continue to jump the gun and remind him of why he left. The constant pressure.
He will come at you again to satisfy his need. You will have to physically restrain him, and tell him to leave. That you will not be some booty call girl, Time to get his act together before he gets the benefits. This should be your attitude.
You can do this, you did it this weekend, until you totally come off the rails.
Remember, everytime you backslide, you add more time to the recovery period, think of it that way.
Burt
Hey dburt. Thanks for your input, and I appreciate the encouragement. But did you read my latest posts? I got a major revelation and emotional outreach from H. It was mostly initiated by H and I responded with as much restraint and detached love as humanly possible. This was all post "totally coming off the rails", and I am reconsidering the severity of my backslide. I do not plan to let him make a booty call out of me...I already stated to him that I wouldn't.
Thanks MNT. I feel really good about it all, and like you said I am going to go about my business with patience and giving of space. You are SO right, I wouldn't want him back before he is ready and I need to be ready too. There are a few things that I need to work on for ME that would be better if I did on my own during this time. The thing that I have learned the MOST so far is that I REALLY need to think about the things I say and the ways that I respond to H about things...and not just to H but to everyone. To REALLY think about responses prior to making them has helped me this far in not regretting too much what I say or do. Even when it is a backslide, I have been comforted knowing that I made a conscious decision to show this emotion or be true to ME and say what I think and feel. It also makes me feel like I am a much better listener which makes me feel great. Thanks for checkin in!!!!!
I have read all your posts, trying to make you realize that just because you had the convo does not mean you will have the will power to stop it when he comes cake eating again, and he will.
Get ready, it is going to be a bumpy ride.
Be sure and have another one of those crazy weekends next opportunity, I think that really gets to him.
Sorry to be the only nasty old guy that is always trying to bring you down, but I want what you want, and I know that you can get there quicker but you are going the long way, and sometimes we get lost going the long way.
