I wanted to say that this is the most difficult part of this entire process.....its what I am exactly going thru right now......expecting and planning for the worst and yet if H actually shows up to be kind and compassionate to him while standing up for myself. It seems like this whole cake of contradictions.
So here is what I think I am thinking as I face that I am actually most likely getting a D!
I think this has been the major shift for me this past week and you can see from my blog that it has been a very difficult week. It is bc I am really accepting that this D has already taken place. I feel divorced.
You said that you are tired of feeling disrespected,etc... I can understand that... I feel the exact same way. I am not battling the need to call H anymore....but there is a bigger long term issue that I am preparing for -
I figure the faster and farther I move on from his "erratic actions", he will have 2 ways to deal with this....either make another erratic move (which cannot hurt me any longer) or actually deal with this disaster of a M! I am taking the shock factor out of the equation. Big Deal and really how original and creative! H wants a D!
Its not the worst thing that can ever happen to us. It is the loss of a "dream". Its ok to lose a dream. It creates room for new ones!
I spent a lot of time today just trying to come up with a new dream.....a new lifestyle.......that has nothing to do with H or even a partner. I think, for me, it is important to have a vision of my life that contains and is dependant on no one else but me.
I don't know if that helps really......as I am still in the process and not as good as so many of the other DBers....but, just wanted to share my process.
Keep your head up and keep dreaming. We are young and there is so much life out there to experience!
